Life Lessons Posts

Please.

99% of the decisions made in the universe can be solved by either a) watching for signs and b) a game of rock-scissors-paper.

Should you go to that party?
Do a drive by. If parking presents itself, then the answer is 100% yes.
If parking is hellish? At least you have a no-guilt excuse for not showing up.

Also:
If you happen to lose your cel phone (like yours trully did last evening)… then maybe it’s a sign to stay in and do some serious life maintenance self care shite.

Peeps, if you’re trying to reach me — try the homeline. Looks like I’ll be home tonight.

Or rather, a pretty blonde. So say I for the streak in my hair.

In conversation with Chase

“Say, some cute mormons are out on your block. Backpacks. Skinny ties. Etc.”
“Yeah, but they can’t do fun things. They cant’ even drink Coke.”
“… really?”
“… Really.”
“Not even diet?”
“…”
“…?”
“… you’re really blonde some times.”
“What?! What’d I say?!”

Sometimes being honest and direct is very VERY good.

Take for instance if someone is talking to you while you’re trying to listen to a show or watch a movie. Place your hand gently on their knee, give it a squeeze and look directly in their eyes and say “Shut the fuck up, would you?” with a smile.
Give the knee a pat for good measure.

This works 100% of the time, and usually they’re so stunned, or too giddy about you having your hand on their knee, to hold such brass directness against you in any way.

Also, anonymous online peeps who ping you incessently with requests to meet up for coffee who… uh.. make you uncomfortable?

Just tell them candidly “No. Thank you. And frankly, you’re kinda creeping me out.”

This works. And thank goodness it does.

I am mumbly and slurry.
At 2 AM and after a scotch and long day, I should know better.

Think before speaking.

Because if you’re trying to say something flirty regarding red panties and ear nibbles, the last thing you want to do is accidentally make a reference to Miracle Whip when you really meant Cool Whip.

Yes, I really can be that dumb sometimes.

Oh come on, give a girl a break.
Engrish isuh not my purst language-uh.

You cannot please all of the people all of the time.
Trying to do that is a fast track to pleasing absolutely no one.

But if you’re willing to make a stand, make some thoughtful choices and stick by your convictions, even if people don’t necessarily like you or your decisions; you’ll at least have the opportunity to earn their respect.

One should be mindful of presence, presentation, and professionalism within the work environment.

So do NOT do the following if you’re trying to achieve some sort of decorum in the work place.

* Purchase spicy burrito and place on work desk. Ideally on a company newsletter as a plate.

* Slice open said burrito down the center… while making mad scientist noises of gurgles and squeals of delight as the beans and meat fall to the sides of the split seam

* Cackle madly as you spoon the burrito guts into your mouth.

I mean, unless you *really really really really* want to.

*Muah HA HA HA HA HA HA!*

Stop the self sabateour.

In all new things there is fear.
There is comfort in the sameness of routine, of small windows through which we choose to see the world.

Looking out that same small window, it’s hard to see that you are growing within the walls and that those walls can quickly cage you.

So stop telling yourself “No.”

Stop butchering your own “Maybe”

Be willing to say “Yes” and climb out the window to fresh gardens outside.
It’s not too late.

There is no cool logic nor measurement to emotion.

Neither Joy nor sorrow – can be captured or defined by a chemical cocktail, and if you believe otherwise, then control of one’s own destiny, mind, and heart, have been totally surrendered by you. To which, that recognition, I hope you find some honesty. I hope you learn to recognize the grandeur and astonishing capability of having ownership and delight in your own emotional capacity and gifts.

There is no international measurement for loss or grief.

There are no standards or absolutes when it comes to expressions of love. There are no mathmatical equations or timelines to such things.

Horror and fear can only be measured in nights of restless sleep.
Anger only in the expressions and wounded relationships of those you’ve hurt or have been hurt by.

And love, only in the most fond memories that you take pride and warm charm in the retelling.

In honor, there is only the measurement of a good lifetime. Which I hope dearly for myself and to those who I’ve been blessed to know.

And in all good things and bad, there is the strength in knowing that things will always change, emotions will always ebb and flow, and an opportunity for an even greater expansiveness and indulgence in emotional depth will present itself.

When someone compliments you, instead of explaining it away in half guaged neurotic mumblings, stop yourself and smile. Say “Thank you”.

It’s ok to just say thank you. A compliment in response (only if it’s true and you were going to say it anyway) may be in order but is not necessary.

With an H-biyatch has been trying to school me on this for eons but I still get wrapped up in insecure excuses.

So thank you. *grin*

Trying to be nice and accomodating, gracious, and mature…

apparently gets you nay little.

In the short run at least. I’d like to believe that this is a karmic marathon and not a sprint.

And I’m a Kenyan underdog.