Her. ..you know what I recommend at a time like this?
Moi: what?
Kb: your vitamins…
Moi: yeah..it couldn’t hurt
kb: especially vitamin booty. You’re looking a little deprived
moi: …
Kb:…(arched brow)
moi: its when you say shit like that that makes me want to kiss you and strangle you at the same time
kb: oh hon, I’m not into that asphyxiating kinky shit…especially if my band has to have a reality show spin off to replace me
moi: touche.
So sayeth “she”
“Success and Love are similar in these two aspects. People fear, desire, and sabotage both these things. The savvy and clever bury the corpses of these honesties. The foolish wind up gnawing on them.”
Kissing Bandit: My darling darling darling woman!
Moi:And a long time indeed checking in with you. How goes it?
Kissing Bandit: Grand grand. Oh, life does get better every year, doesn’t it?
Moi: Eh, depends on your attitude.
Kissing Bandit: Oh poo. Why must you always be an irritating pragmatists?
Moi: Oh, cuz the world is full of beautiful flakiheads like you, so someone is always responsible for picking up the pieces…
Kissing Bandit:…
Moi:…
Kissing Bandit:.. “Is that… is that how you think of me? A sequential disaster that needs regular rescue?
Moi:…
Kissing Bandit:…
Moi: No … I mean, not always. Come on now. We’re friends. We do different things. We behave differently under the circumstances, but you know I always got nothing but love and props for you.
Kissing Bandit: Yes. But something…
Moi: Just.. just… I mean…
Kissing Bandit: What?
Moi: You know how your MO is a total 180 of my MO.
Kissing Bandit: Yeah, though I think you’ve come around a bt.
Moi:Hmph
Kissing Bandit: Think whatever you will. Just know that someone was thinking of you
Moi: I know. I know.
Kissing Bandit: And like all that happy birthday shit. I bet that even the president coudn’t rall that many sincere and loving people in the same room. Sounds like your friends are farking dope!
Moi: They are. They trully fucking are.
Kissing Bandit: No doubt.
Moi: So… um… yeah. No.. Seruiously we totally have a plan.
Kissing Bandit: Sure?
Moi: Yes. I’d bet my life on it.
Kissing Bandit: Good, then I’ll bet your life on it too.
Moi: Brilliant.
Kissing Bandit: Ah Sir, never underestimate our capabilityh of mischief.
Moi: Oh, I don’t think ever will again
I’m definitely my own social networking application and tracking tool at SXSW this year.
People know exactly where I’ve been and who I’ve met in TOTAL transparency which seems to be an ongoing theme for this week.
My smooches are everywhere.
And the pix are proof.
Kissing Bandit: I got a seeeeeeeeeeeeeeecret!
Moi: What’s his name and damage this time.
Kissing Bandit: La la la la la la la
Moi: And?
Kissing Bandit: La la la la la la la
Moi: Out with it!
Kissing Bandit: I’m in lurve.
Moi: Are you serious?
Kissing Bandit: Yes.
Moi: Are you blushing?
Kissing Bandit: Yes.
Moi: Is his dick big?
Kissing Bandit: Yes.
Moi: Ah, I see.
Kissing Bandit: YES!
KB Wisdom.
“A man who says he’s working late on Valentine’s day is cheating on you. With his other girlfriend.”
Yet again the Yahoo Groups find me as a destination site for fetish joy!
Kissing Bandit: Feeling better yet?
Moi: Not really. Sort of. Hot & Cold.
KB: Like your…
Moi: …love life. Yeah. Heard that before.
KB: Been there. Done that.
Moi: Yada. Ya know I’ve had a number of folks ask about you.
KB: Oh really? You didn’t give them my number did you?
Moi: Oh hell no. Why would I? You’ve got enough troubles.
KB: Word. Indeed.
Moi: So what’s the latest?
KB: *Whisper whisper whisper*
Moi: AT WORK?!
KB: Uh huh…
Moi: I thought you had this whole thing of not shitting where you eat.
KB: Yes. True. But he’s so damn cute.
Moi: Wait… I think I know his…his…girlfriend?
KB: Oh yeah. That.
Moi: JAYZUS!
KB: Yeah. I know. It’s yet another instance where the boy can’t help themselves to want me.
Moi: And you go along with it? Complicit?
KB: So? It’s not like *I* am cheating on anyone. Besides, At least this one’s not married.
Moi: Yeah. Unlike… wait… oh yeah. I’m going to block that from my memory.
KB: Well… hey man. I’m not getting hurt. The guy knows what they want. And if anything, maybe they…
Moi: What…should be able to sleep around without repurcussions?
KB: Look. It’s not like that.
Moi: Then explain this to me.
KB: Guys are dogs. If they can cheat they will cheat. You know this all too well, already.
Moi: Bitch. Yeah.
KB: So why not cheat with someone who obvioiusly wont’ fall in love with them. Has no plans on breakign up their relationship or marriage. It’s just sex. It’s just a fling. It gets it out of the system for them without dismantling their life.
Moi: And what do you get out of it?
KB: Lots. I get laid. And when I meet their wives or girlfriends, I get some smug satisfaction.
Moi: And if he falls in love with you?
KB: Well, that can’t be helped you know. But at the least, I help them figure out what or whom they’re not in love with.
Moi: So you’re just *facilitating* the process along
KB: Perhaps. I’m really a girl’s best freind, you know. I’m a litmus test for the real thing. Why would a girl want a man who can be such an asshole anyways?
Moi: That’s kind of sick, you know.
KB: No one’s healthy. No.One.Is.Healthy.
Moi: So have you given up on real love then?
KB: Hm. Maybe. But not really. I’m a love expert afterall.
Moi: If you say so.
Moi: Yo.
KB: Yo!
Moi: Yo.
KB: Yo!
Moi: Yo.
KB:Yo!
Moi: Yooo.
KB: Yo!
Moi: I feel… younger inside.
KB: Stop me from making any of a number of obviously inappropriate statements here.
Moi: BITCH.
KB: Yo.
Moi: Bless me KB for I have sinned.
Kissing Bandit: DISH!
Moi: *whisper whisper whisper*
Kissing Bandit: NO SHIT
Moi: *whisper whisper whisper”
Kissing Bandit: MOTHER FUCKER
Moi: And then *whisper whisper whisper*
Kissing Bandit: OH.MY.FUCKING.GAWD.
Moi: Not to mention *whisper whisper whisper whisper*
Kissing Bandit: GET THE FUCK OUT.
Moi: *blush*
Kissing Bandit: Well…
Moi: Yeah…?
Kissing Bandit: You want absolution?
Moi: Maybe?
Kissing Bandit: I think you just became my hero.
Moi: WHAT?!!
Kissing Bandit: *High Five*
Moi: Well, it is rather a nice ego snack.
Kissing Bandit: Well overdue.
Moi: So whatcha think?
Kissing Bandit: I think I need to hang out with nerds more often.
Moi: Oh, yes. Oh yes.
Kissing Bandit: Well, how you holding up?
Moi: You’re smoking on the other end of the line, aren’t you?
KB: (puff puff puff) Yup.
Moi: Bitch.
KB: Never claimed to be otherwise, though…
Moi: Though what?
KB: Well. Just think. The way that I live and my plans for the future have always been rather shortsighted. Because I pretty much know that I’m going to die in some firy scandle crash with some star or something.
Moi: That’s rather … uh… optimistic
KB: Well, it’s why I live so aggressively in the *NOW*. Because tomorrow may never come. Or it’ll be terrible.
Moi: But aren’t you creating a predestination for failure and tragedy?
KB: Realy, is it any different than what you do when you’re moaning and whining about **** , or *****, or that thing with *****
Moi: Shut up. That was really low.
KB: (Puff) …
Moi: K. was telling me that people typically quit about 4-6 times before quitting actually sticks.
KB: Does that make you want to cave right now?
Moi: Yes and no.
KB: You’re a pussy about the weirdest and most inane things.
Moi: And you’re just a nutcase. Even B. totally thinks you’re a crackhead.
KB: Oh so what if my lover thinks I’m nuts. It just shows that he’s got brains.
Moi: Nice.
Kissing Bandit: Detestable.
Moi: What now?
Kissing Bandit: That dreadfully rude behavior.
Moi: What now?
Kissing Bandit: That, that, that… THING!
Moi: Is this a her thing or a him thing.
Kissing Bandit: *shaking hands up at the air*
Moi: Oh. Yeah. Why do you still let it bug you? Have a cigarette and chill darlin’.
Kissing Bandit: Why won’t they just DIE already.
Moi: Well. Ok. We can arrange that too.
Kissing Bandit: Damnable, detestable, disgusting thing.
Moi: All this because you’d rather spritz and wait out mildew than pick up a sponge.
Kissing Bandit: Uh Hello?! Manicure?!
Moi: Oh yeah. Right. Beg pardon. I forgot what was at stake here.
Convo w/ the Vain and Silly:
V&S: I need to lose weight.
Moi: Don’t be silly. You’re Gorgeous. Goy-Jeyous!
V&S: Well they say you can never be too rich or too thin.
Moi: Pht.. Sure.
V&S: So I’m trying that whole South Beach Diet thing.
Moi: And that’s going well?
V&S: Eh… it’s ok.
Moi: Me, I’m on that North Beach Diet thing.
V&S: What’s that?
Moi: Oh. Pizza. Pasta. Greasy Chinese Food. Strippers.
V&S: Nice.
Moi: Well?
Kissing Bandit: Ugh.
Moi: That bad?
Kissing Bandit: Worse.
Moi: You mean you had to talk to what’s his bucket with the tattoo.
Kissing Bandit: Yup.
Moi: He still had the tattoo.
Kissing Bandit: Yup.
Moi: He still miss you madly.
Kissing Bandit: Yup.
Moi: So what made it bad.
Kissing Bandit:…
Moi: …
Kissing Bandit:…
Moi: No.
Kissing Bandit: Yes.
Moi: No!
Kissing Bandit: uh… Yes.
Moi: NO! FUCKING NO! NO! NO!
Kissing Bandit: Uh. Yes.
Moi: I can’t believed you hooked up with him. I mean… I understand ex sex but Jayzus!
Kissing Bandit: I know.
Moi: Well was it as good as you remembered?
Kissing Bandit:Definitely not.
Moi: Oh. Shit.
Kissing Bandit: Yeah. Actually the ex sex was pretty bad.
Moi: OH NO!
KB: So not worth it.
Moi: How come we haven’t bought you a chastity belt yet?
KB: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK PANCAKES!
Moi: What up, g? Sipping too much of the haterade?
KB: FUCK FUCK FUCKITY LAWN GNOMES FUCK FUCK!
Moi: No, seriously. What up?
KB: FUCKING WEDDING INVITATION WHERE MY EX WILL BE THERE!
Moi: So? You look hot. No big deal. Besides, it’s been *forever*. Right?
KB: FUCK. BUT I GOTTA SIT AT THE SINGLES TABLE!
Moi: And so? Isn’t that your usual traulling grounds?
KB: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK — YOU DON’T GET IT! J***’s GOING TO BE THERE!
Moi: Oh. Motherfucking. Shit.
KB: …
Moi: Uh…Did he ever get that tattoo of your name removed?
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