Day 46
Originally uploaded by minjungkim.
She’s changing so much and so quickly. I’m exhausted but doing ok. So much to write about but still composing and percolating thoughts.
There is this general dread about blogging as a new first time parent. I’m terrified to reveal that I’m doing everything wrong. From breastfeeding and supplementing with formual to scheduling naps/feedings and how much/how little I permit her to cry and how I’m approaching her general development.
On Amelia:
Amelia is still tiny for her age, slowly expressing personality and generally keeping me on my toes. She still hiccups loads, snorts on occasion, and scares me when she has frenzied crying fits from sleeping too long and waking up extra hungry.
As far as I can tell, she cries in the car every time Dave Matthews comes on the radio.
She’s fully capable of shriveling the gonads of weak-spined men with a withering look of stinkface (a skill she clearly learned from me) and has also caused a uterus or two to quiver for wanting a little bundle of cute like herself.
I cheer her when she burps and farts. She has more than once made my nipples feel utterly destroyed. And I’ve utterly beaten myself blue and purple over not trimming her nails short enough when she scratched up her face in a moment of crying frenzy.
I’ve finally convinced her that it’s many levels of inappropriate for her to play with her food. Especially when she’s breastfeeding.
On me. I’m supposedly recovered from my C-section and allowed to carry things that weigh more than a laptop or kitten. Still some tenderness in the abdomen but the exciting news this past week is that I can fit into some of my pre-pregnancy clothes again. Well, sort of. I muffintop a little but that is to be expected, I suppose.
I’m very emotionally fragile of late. I’ve had more than a few nuclear meltdowns and well, I know it’s to be expected with post-partum but it hasn’t been easy on me and I’m trying to process and push through it. That’s the honest trimmed truth there. Sometimes I think it’s good that I’m generally too tired to think too hard about what’s giving me the blues. I have to remind myself that humans are the only creatures that can actually think themselves into depression.
More to come when I have the energy.