A pain in the @$$
So one of the funny things about coming up on my birthday is trying not to be neurotic about the changes that are happening to my body. Afterall, don’t I already go through an exhorbinant amount of navel gazing (literally) and writing on it? Afterall, I’ve just written up a piece for KoreAm re: turning 33 and what that means to be the same age as Jesus when he died and being no one’s savior.
I’m so over punishing myself for not having the same body that I used to. But man, is my body beginning to punish me for little things.
This morning, I woke up to the sound of the alarm clock, prepared myself to pop out for the day, and instead found myself collapsing on the side of the bed with a shrieking pain that charged down the side of my right hip and leg. I could not turn over. I couldn’t articulate my pain. I could only wince silently adn then lean over and slap at my bf to make him stop it. And yes, I know it’s irrational to expect a man who’s not responsible for the pain to somehow fix it. So I slapped at him. And he poked at my forehead (not where the pain is) and said
“You just have to breathe and relax. It’s probably a sciatic nerve pinch. Just relax.”
You ever notice that when people tell you to relax it NEVER. EVER. WORKS.
My internal dialogue was goiing through a wide variety of potential epithets - some directed at myself, my body, his ability to sleep through my anguish, and why why why was i beginning to fall apart.”
I think I blacked out for a moment from the pain. It was a sharp pain at the hip that radiated outwards.
And barely remember the bf getting me aspirin and tucking me back in bed. And so I wound up taking an unexpected personal day from work. No Web2.0 shindig parties for me tonight. I can barely stand up or walk with confidence since it hurts so madly.
Gawd. I hate getting older. Not a good Monday.
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