It’s Awful. Yes.

That some good people are being harassed, threatened, and have succumbed to fear – hopefully temporarily – and it’s just awful.

Totally miserably awful.

And while I think it’s important to be sensitive to these issues and very clearly aware of the nature of bullies, stalkers, and jerks (both online and off), it is also important to be quite clear that this is not the first time this has happened.

It’s just the first time it’s happened to someone that you know.

You see, I’ve known several other women (specifically Asian American women bloggers – Comabound, BadGrrl, C., A., J.,N, etc) who have had to pull down their blogs, shuttle from one domain to another, remain utterly anonymous, password protect their sites, or give up their online communities altogether. The list is longer than I’d like.

Why?
Oh yes, stalkers. Rape fantasies. Obsessed emails. Comment trolling.

Threatening notices. IM harassments. Flowers sent to your work office. Etc.

I’ve gotten them all too.

This is NOT NEW.

I was on campus at U of M when the landmark case of internet threats and stalking occured in 1995.

Remember Usenet? Yeah.

And what’s worse, since I’ve always been an open and direct person, I couldn’t really hide at all with my eponymous URL.

I mean, what *isn’t* uncomfortable about being pinged via email

“I saw you crossing the street at lunch today. You should wear shorter skirts so we can see your slanty snatch.”

Or more recently

“ Asians don’t belong in America, and their presence here is similar to the Boers of South Africa. …. And if the urine colored slitty eyed slopeheads won’t go peacefully, then the gooks should be put in concentration camps.”

(That statement particularly biting in light of Michelle “sell out my mama” Malkin attests that the Japanese Internment was justified and well, racial profiling is just fine and dandy)

And just so you know not all the harassment I’ve gotten is along racelines, there’s this that I got from a guy out of Seoul back in 2001.

“waterfllagoon: u give me erection now

waterfllagoon: my penis going up rub against thigh

waterfllagoon: penis now rub laptop

waterfllagoon: i like u

waterfllagoon: please be nice to me

waterfllagoon: i think of ur pictures i sent u

Mjkim1974: go away.

waterfllagoon: why

waterfllagoon: i on knees to u

Mjkim1974: Because you are totally creeping me out.

Mjkim1974: Go away.

waterfllagoon: i kiss lik ur toes

waterfllagoon: tie me up

waterfllagoon: lok me with no clothes in box from fri to mon”

Hell, I even get threats from lawyers out of Dallas because people have expressed displeasure in the comments of my site over Lash Extension products.

It’s not that different than the thuggery that Joey has received re: Movers.

So yeah. I’ve heard it all.

I’ve gotten hot under the collar about it. I’ve felt the need to sleep over at a friend’s house or have them stay over with me a few nights so I could vent and feel safe again. I’ve ranted. I’ve cried. And I’ve gotten over it.

You’d think it would be harder for me to do, having been a sexual assault victim (totally unrealted to any online person/event – and yes, that’ happens to 1/3 women you know too) and one that has suffered through weeks upon end of nightmares and insomnia, to take and tolerate these attacks.

But no.

I won’t succumb to fear. To laziness, yes. To other priorities IRL, yes. But to online fear? No. I absolutely refuse.

Now with all that in mind, doesn’t it seem radically weird that in this day and age we’re all making ourselves even *more* stalkable?

Locations via Dodgeball and Twitter. Events that may be hosted at your home via Upcoming or whatever.

There are folks I know who are rigorously private and those that are publicity mavens. I’m somewhere in between. Eponymous still (after all these years) and open. But more private with my thoughts and conscientious about using full names. I respect those that protect their children by ommitting all real names/photos of them and I also adore those individuals who feel lively and confident about sharing their families with their online communities. Of course there is balance and perspective,values and comfort levels.

But one thing that needs to be very clear – people say more awful things to you online than they ever would in person sitting next to you on the park bench. That is – and always will be, some degree of the culture of the internet – an environment where consequences are hard to enforce and identity can be cloaked.

But it’s not a reason to let fear paralyze or terrorize your life. Online – do the right things within your control. Delete comments. Notify your ISPs. Alert local authorities as necessary. SHAME the FARKING HELL OUT OF IDIOTS if need be. But don’t let it silence your voice.

And Ladies, if someone should say something awful to you in person, at that point – I think you’re perfectly justified to take off those lovely pointy shoes you have on and take it like a hammer to wap at that person’s head.