December 2004 Archive

Me: Huh.
Him: Yes?
Me: What are you doing here?
Him: I needed to be here.
Me: Oh really? Did I ask you to be here?
Him: No. No. No.
Me: Huh. And where the hell are your clothes?
Him: Oh yeah. A funny thing happened to me on the way to this dream of yours.
Me: Right. So this is *my* fault then.
Him: Well sort of.
Me: Really.
Him: No.
Me: Yeah, I thought so.
Him: So … um…
Me: Get your hands off of me.
Him: Are you serious?
Me: You betcha.
Him: But. … …
Me: You heard me.
Him: Um. Ok then.
Me. Yeah.

I’m a Secret Swinger

*Smooches* to Rannie for taking some amazing pix of me again on a freezing wintery day.

Lotso thunks today regarding family situation and life in general.

At the request of several impatient friends, I’m at last writing a family related cozy warm cockles kinda update.

I’ve spent the last few days with my father and it’s been wonderful. We’ve laughed and been honest with each other and kissed each other on the cheek more times than I can count. While in the car I’ll lean over and offer my cheek. He’ll blow on it. I respond back “Dad, that sucks and doesn’t count.” And then he’ll lean in and have his hat brim hit my head. I’ll respond back “Not good enough either” and then he’ll finally remove his cap and express a sigh/huff of exasperation that I know is all sarcasm, and then plant a wet one on my cheek.

This is how we Kim’s are. Playful, teasing, and expressively loving. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We went today to my Mom’s grave at the cemetary. Cleared the mud and wet twigs from her tombstone and prayed together.
With my head bowed and my left hand over my right, I had a good conversation with my mom as I twirled the ring she had given me from her hospital bed on my right hand. It’s what I do every time I’m home. Dad looked at me and smiled.

I asked if he missed her. He said yes. But that he knows that all good things that happen in his life, any dispellings of problems or worries.. that this must be Mommy doing some work for him in heaven. I said that I often felt the same.

“Daddy, do I look like you or mommy now that I’m older?”
“Aabah darlmohso — You look like your father.”
“I’m lucky to have a handsome father then.”
“I thought that daddy was ugly!”
“No, my daddy is *sooo* handsome.”
“(giggle) stupid daughter…”
“Sure Dad. I take after you.”

There was fresh grave just above my Mom’s. My cousin’s mother-in-law. I consider it sad that the first time I’m learning of this, there is fresh wet duck shit on her grave and no headstone yet. “Mom. You got new neighbors. Did you make soup yet for them?” I think in my head. My mother, whom I take after, is a caretaker and loves to cook for guests. Whenever I hear of anyone dying, while sad, I always say a little whisper to heaven and ask my Mom to make some soup and knit some slippers for them. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. I imagine that in heaven everyone wears either galoshes or slippers up there. Because toeing amongst the clouds your feet can catch cold otherwise.

I had lunch with my best friend J. and visited with her two dogs Bodhi and Jhizo.
They are crazy dogs.

Wth avarice and passion unlike anything I’ve ever seen before, they pounced on me and licked my nostrils until the tips of their tongues hit somewhere along the frontal lobe of my brain. And then they proceded to run around insanely, lapping around the couches for a good hour.

Apparently the boogers in *my* nose are the equivalent of doggie cocaine.

In my referral logs the statement found today that landed someone repeatedly on my site.

“And I don’t give a damn if you don’t like me, Cause’ I don’t like you cause you’re not like me”

And thank goodness I am not like you.

Hey, have you ever had one of those moments when you wanted to sock someone?
Right in the lip?
As in a

“Hey you, you fucking hypocrite and myopic fuckhead! Get your head out of your ass for a moment and see that the rest of the world doesn’t revolve around you! How dare you act and voice such a selfish opinion about certain things like you’re the only one entitled to that! And yet you’ve been personally responsible for denying that same thing to others?! Do as a say? Not as I do?! Right. Cuz that’s sane and fair. In case anyone hasn’t told you lately, you’re an idiot!”

*Socka-Pow*

Well, maybe it’s just me but listening to the Clash and Garbage for a few hours or so while driving will begin to roll angry thoughts in your head. And hey man, that’s ok. I’ve forgotten or been trained out of the belief that feeling angry was wrong. Feeling angry is NOT wrong. Behaving based on it, well, occqasionally can be. But it’s been a long time since I’ve used the energy from Anger to get me going on stuff. It’s not a bad thing actually, when channelled appropriatly.

In other updates
* In Michigan now.
* I took a nap with my Dad on the living room floor. He looks very healthy and good. This makes me extraordinarily happy.
* My stepmom cooks rawking good food and I am full.
* I already miss Xxxtine and her family. They were awesome hosts and great friends.
* I’m planning on visiting an organizaton that I helped found 8 years ago later in the week. Anyone in Ann Arbor wanna meet for a coffee
* Work, shmerk. This is nice to have the time off and I haven’t even checked work email once. Wow. Could this be self balance?
* I had a day dream flash the other morning while driving with Xxxtine. At a wedding reception all the parents of my best friends whom I’ve gotten to know over the years were there. The Fords, the Michaelsons, The Lees, The Sues, and the Miguels. I rather like that idea quite a bit. Since losing my Mother, I’ve naturally gravitated towards the parents of my friends. I get giggly talking to them. I love hearing their life stories and their advice. I don’t even mind their nagging a little regarding this, that or the other.
* My bedroom always looks smaller every time I come back here for the holidays.
* My dad has mastered double clicking…and is playing puzzle games on the computer. Brilliant. He and the step-mom quarrel over thier turns on the computer.

There’s something to smile about when you wake up and find that there is snow on the ground.
A lovely blanket of white that makes everything new and clean again.

Wind flurries through and scatters flakes like little kisses that bless the ground. It’s cold, yes, but it’s lovely.

(more…)

Small things will make you cheerful for a moment.
Like, for instance, a drunk SMS message from someone darling far away.

It says

“You are beautiful”

I grinned at midnight last night when I received it, and slept peacefully.

It was nice.