Min Jung’s Half Assed Predictions for 2005 and Beyond
I am not responsible for these predictions. They came out of my ass. Or at least half of my ass. The left cheek isn’t fessing up to any accountability.
1. Wireless phone providers will integrate and apply the social networking phenomena:
Moving beyond current uses explored in other countries like the UK for “toothing” for cruising and dodgeball for spontaneous social interactions, wireless service providers will build or acquire online social networks to retain their user base and provide more social profile information to their subscribers. Once you get a new person’s phone number and they’re on the same service plan as you, you’ll be able to access personal profile information which individuals may choose to share online. Upcoming.org and Evite or similar services will become integrated with the Wireless service provider directly to provide reminders of planned events,directions, (incorporating voice activated or sms information like TellMe) and rendezvous with colleagues, friends and family. Individuals may elect to include GPS tracking information or not. Pay phones make a comeback among the paranoid.
2. Transparent Messaging
Automobiles will come with an option to include glass that allows for transparent messaging that will appear on the glass but will not inhibit safe driving. Defaults will include “Slow” “Help” and “Maps”. Individuals may hack into these systems to bring cruising to the next level with their number or custom messages like “Get off my ass, you lame driver.” or “I am so more faster and furioser than u” Those annoying RedBull trucks — oh yeah baby. Even more annoying. Messages will also be used to help identify stolen vehicles as these will be controllable remotely. Lo jack to the next level.
3. Civic Online Identities
Each individual will be issued an online identity by which they will be able to maintain all civic activities. Paying taxes, registering vehicles, voter registration and voting, checking out books, and taking care of fines. A resurgence of digital civic activity will change the way that citizens behave and interact with their local communities. Local politics will take center stage since folks are more than generally bored or depressed as hell about national and international politics. Taking after the techsavvy mobilization utilized in Korea’s last presidential election, organizers will utilize SMS, IM, and videoblogbroadcasting to encourage and deploy more aggressive tactics.
4. Hacking P2P networks - New Frontiers
Some very clever geeks will create a distributed broadband based media sharing network utilizing bandwidth from one of the mogul cable providers and disk space on the digital video recorders. (DVRs).
5. Interactive Multimedia Porn
Taking on the best of Subservient Chicken and the Stepford Wives, Paris Hilton will position herself any way you wish, pant, gasp, gag, and talk on the cell phone while hundreds of horny young men living in their mother’s basement put on head phones and *cough* plug themselves into a USB or Firewire vagina. Piggybacking and going beyond Apple’s multi-color variations, the interactive vagina will also come in furry and non furry varieties. Disposable post-ejaculatory sleeves will be available in packs of 40 or 100.
And what are your predictions?
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