MinJungKim.com Braindump v 6.0 Gah. I’m still doing this?

In response, a bit late.

Something rather ugly happened to me a bit back which made me want to respond immediatley with violence and shriekiness.
These are reactions that I admittably despise in myself. I hate when I feel these emotions too much. But then again, I tend to feel a little bit of everything too much. I’m trying to get it all under control but it spins out of grasp so often.

Why.

Tell me why.

Why do you think it’s ok to be so absolutely horrid to another person?

And then why is it that it takes me nearly a month or so to formulate any sort of response. Is it shock? Is it confusion? Is it a subconsious belief that perhaps I deserve or enable such treatment?

I’ve got someone that I talk to every few weeks who complketely challenges me on the things that I’ve felt in my childhood and these gremlins that I’ve allowed to push me in various directions while in my adulthood. Bastardly creatures. I’ve struggled so hard to find my own voice and they, while less articulate, have always had more volume than I have. At this point in my life I thought I was rather a gold medalist at navel gazing. Oh, ye learn something new every day.

I’m on a kick though. A kick towards wellness and being far better than I’ve been in the past. I’m takng tough measures but I’ve felt good about them. I’m seeing change around the corner and light bends to my dreams.

mj,

oh, you and i ought to have a navel-gazing contest someday… i think i would win.

but take it from a emtionally-constipated [asian] male that the expression of your feelings — nor matter what those emotions are — is always a Good Thing.

emotions… your feelings that well inside you or burst forth are neither wrong nor right. they just… are. you can’t help or control the way you *feel*. the reasons that trigger these emotions may be valid or invalid but the feelings are real nonetheless so don’t hold ‘em back. and, if the reasoning that triggered your anger or sorrow or embarassement or giddyness or lust or whatever are invalid, you’ll find out soon enough and then you learn from it and move on as a more enlightened human being.

in short, and to paraphrase a song from the ’70’s… woman, let’s hear your roar.