Absofricking terrifying.
Good thing Freddy Mercury is already dead or he’d go into apopleptic fits.
October 2004 Archive
Today’s Thunk 10.28.o4
* Little things remind you of home, like: home cooked Korean food, sitting in the basement of a Korean church, the awkward and unapologetic stares from older Korean folks, and well… hearing Korean. (My personal observations from being at a Korean Drycleaners association meeting tonight)
* I love full moons. Especially when they look so large and low and swollen with luminescence. It’s pretty amazing, really.
* Today I made efforts of adultlikehoodness. Conservative silk slate blue blouse, black ankle length a-line skirt. Hair in a bun. Conservative makeup (but with nice lip gloss). Sometimes I wonder if it really is a world of “fake it until you make it.” Meetings, presentations, use of the phrase “Why don’t we sidebar that conversation”.
* WTF. Who is this person? Must drink 2 shots of scotch this evening and some Sailer Jerry Rum to get back my equilibrium.
* I’m getting over my desire to learn how to sprechen ze deutsch.
* Maybe.
* Conversation with a long time friend earlier today made me laugh. COW (Used to mean Crush Of the WEEK) said “You live the kind of life that other people envy and fear. You have a lot to be proud of.”
* Maybe.
* Where’s *my* fucking fan club?
* Oh wait. That’s kind of creepy.
* Got an email today from most excellent and highly talented Bao. He rocks my socks. I am now barefoot.
* In a microcosm of brilliant and talented overachieving rock stars, I am honored to live in these extraordinary times. I am blessed. I hope that with laughter and kindness, that I bring blessings to those I love and hold dear.
* That’s not such a bad thing to hope for.
* Sentimental biyatch, aren’t I? Yeah. You already knew that.
* Maybe.
Dreamlog 10.27.04
So I dreamt that I was biting on your shoulder.
And delighted in leaving little teeth indentations there and on the inside of your forearms.
I kissed each bite afterwards and watched carefully as they faded, stroking them until they were smooth again and without any feature or mark to say I’d been here next to you and able to touch you.
You asked me why I did these things.
I laughed and said “Because you are so very sweet.”
In response you licked my chin and said
“Tastes like chicken.”
Nice.
My butt looks really good today.
Huh.
Precinct walking must be good for it.
Now what could be good for wittling that waist again a bit?
60 crunches this morning and all.
No wonder my butt is tired.
Oh, I’ve been busy.
Mad busy.
And let me just say that right at this moment my butt hurts.
While precinct walking for Jane (which is essentially being a mailman for political lit .. dropping them under floormats and under doors vs by mail or tucking them into mailboxes) in the drizzling rain today, I slipped on some wet steps.
THUNK!
THUNK!
PA THUNK!
The first house that I was dropping lit at.
Ouchi-walla-walla.
Oochi-bang-bang.
My. Butt.Hurts.
Still, through drizzle I plugged on. It’s only a week until the election and I’m taking some time off to help where I can. I even dropped by a supporter’s house today to drop off Jane Kim signs. If you want one, let me know and I’ll swing by with literature, signs, and pins.
Here’s what, dear reader, I ask of you.
* If you didn’t register to vote — punch yourself. Make yourself feel better by at least volunteering to Get out The Vote for other folks, volunteer for Jane if you’re able, or donate to her campaign. Every $ counts.
* If you did register to vote and have an absentee ballot: really pay attention to all the measures and candidates. Some “sound” like a good idea but going through the packet of info really helps bring more clarity to light.
* If you registered to vote absentee and live in SF: Duh. Vote for Jane. We need more progressives in office.
* If you registered to vote and are doing it on Nov 2nd: be sure to read up on all the measures to be as educated and efficient as possible on election day. And then encourage everyone else that you know to be sure to get their vote on.
FYI: My schoolboard endorsements are as follows: Jane Kim, Mark Sanchez, Eric Mar, and James Calloway.
“These four candidates are progressive educators who work with kids in schools. I urge you to support them.” — MATT GONZALEZ
The rest of the precinct walking without incident though still drizzley. At least I had the company of my sis and another friend to keep me smiling.
Pix from earlier in the week and the Bands for Jane event on Tuesday are Here
Big Props to The Skyflakes, Goh Nakamura, and Dealership for playing and the multitalented Matt Gonzalez for mixing it up with mad bass skills with his band John Hartfield. As Jane says, it was dope.
Earlier in the week, hanging out with Mad Pimp Skillz Matt. and rediscovering some good eats around SF. I look forward to hanging out with friends and eating around town. It’s such a good thing.
More precinct walking tomorrow and next week. It’s going to be quite busy.
I hate excercise
But it something that I need to do.
So…
In liu or serious excercise, and combining cheerful efforts to support Jane, I’ll be precinct walking.
Wanna join me? I’ll buy coffee.
Saturday/Sunday
10/23-10/24
10/30-10/31
I would like to get 3-5 of my friends to come out to join me per day if you’re available.
It’ll be a good walk.
Contact me.
Also if you’re an absentee voter in the city of SF, please review your ballot carefully. The school board race could easilly be missed as it’s on the back of another bunch of measures. You can vote for up to 4 Schoolboard candidates. Please consider Jane as one of your choices.
Poetica Spontenaium 10.21.04
I didn’t know what I was looking for
I wasn’t surprised being lost again.
Looking up at a near starless night
Seeking true north and maybe something else
That must have been it then,
that must have been why
I tripped, tumbled, fell on knees
determined to make me pray
With gravel ground into my skin
And palms forced from being fists to fight the fall
Even when I can’t find myself
All roads would still lead me to you.
Oh my aching head.
Ze: How you doing?
Moi: Terrible.
Ze: Really?
Moi: Oh my sweet head.
Ze: Ah.
Moi: Yeah.
Ze: So you’re wearing orange flipflops. To work. On a Wednesday.
Moi: Yes.
Ze: Why?
Moi: Hawaiian Style.
Ze: Huh?
Moi: In hawaii, when it rains, you wear flipflops. Your feet are going to get wet anyway… but this way your feet dry faster.
Ze: I see.
Moi: Makes sense.
Ze: Except that only makes sense in Hawaii. Here in SF, it’s cold. And damp. Did you do that in Michigan.
Moi: Sometimes.
Ze: So very strange. Ok. Right.You’re going to make yourself sicker.
Moi: Oh yeah, that too. Sinuses have enough pressure to turn coal into diamonds.
Ze: That sucks.
Moi: Plus I got blisters on my little hooves.
Ze: From what?
Moi: I think I…
Ze: You think you what?
Moi: I think I danced last night.
Ze: You *think*?
Moi: Oh my aching head.
Tuesday Mad Music
October 19, 2004
BANDS 4 JANE, Hosted by Matt Gonzalez
Doors Open 7:30pm
Cafe du Nord, 2170 Market, www.cafedunord.com
$10-15, sliding scale
21+
A night of grooves and mean licks from local bay area favorities, including a performance by SF Supervisor Matt Gonzalez
THE BANDS:
Dealership
John Hartfield (w/ Matt Gonzalez on bass)
Goh Nakamura
The Skyflakes
For artist bios and more details: http://www.cafedunord.com/calendar.php
Terrible Habit
I have a terrible habit. It is of innate predjudice and disdain for those who fall into certain categorires which have made me irritible in the past. These may include but are not limited to the following:
* Bad foodservice at a particular restaurant
* Crappy interactions with the new and obnoxiously bubbly tight-butted girlfriends w.o. significant personality of good friends
* Snotty half assed comments by folks that I meet through random circumstances
* Dating musicians. Particularly drummers (and I’ve dated more than 2 now)
* Addressing particularly bitchy gals with a name that rhymes with PAIN.
* Trying to meld social and work circumstances.
There are, with quite obviousness, some reasonable exceptions to these rules. Exceptions tend to prove the rules.
Still, I wonder if I’m perfunctorially and cruelly biased, as such.
Perhaps I’m better off still swooning over my most recent mini love affair.
Yes, right so. Much better off with that.
Poetica Spontenaium 10.15.04
Sifting through old memories
is like embracing a dirty bomb
as you cling tight and are torn
by velocity and violence
made from scraps in the basement
the damp spaces of your skull
where mushrooms grow
and other things that feed on the dead
I think to myself how it’s come to be
this time and space
this other ness
this beyond strangers
chill between us
I delight that it’s like this and not other.
Because I’ve been in that other place,
and that other place SUCKED.
That other place was confused and wished lies could be truth
That potential could be future
That past could be a bad dream
that grey could be pink
and that you just might think
that what fucked up things were between us
might actually have been your fault more than mine
So that I could sleep well again at night.
Like I used to before we met.
Oh but, that’s all past shit, let me tell you.
Let me tell you what’s up now, sugah.
Let me tell you what’s real.
You?
You ain’t it.
Oh my eyes,
spit
on
by ‘
Jesus,
could not be clearer on this.
So I ask for something more.
Redemption is it?
No.
Forgiveness is it?
No.
Grace and peace?
No.
Well maybe, a little bit of it if I knew that you
were really a human after all
and not something to torture me and tear me up
Like I was a shaft of wheat blowing in the breeze
waiting to be torn up and plowed by you.
It’s come to that point, you know.
Where truth is like sifting for diamonds
In a dirty alley full of broken glass
And regardless if the shiney
is precious or shit
It still makes you bleed from sunday to sunday.
The following monday
I say stop.
And fuck if…
Well, it does.
Easy as all that, who’d think that was right.
To flip a switch of your opnion like someone else’s corrupt alliance
on some fucked nbc reality bullshit.
And was it worth anything?
Oh no.
Not at all. Just…
Just.
yeah.
Just.
yeah.
…
Just.
Like that.
Poof.
In response, a bit late.
Something rather ugly happened to me a bit back which made me want to respond immediatley with violence and shriekiness.
These are reactions that I admittably despise in myself. I hate when I feel these emotions too much. But then again, I tend to feel a little bit of everything too much. I’m trying to get it all under control but it spins out of grasp so often.
Why.
Tell me why.
Why do you think it’s ok to be so absolutely horrid to another person?
And then why is it that it takes me nearly a month or so to formulate any sort of response. Is it shock? Is it confusion? Is it a subconsious belief that perhaps I deserve or enable such treatment?
I’ve got someone that I talk to every few weeks who complketely challenges me on the things that I’ve felt in my childhood and these gremlins that I’ve allowed to push me in various directions while in my adulthood. Bastardly creatures. I’ve struggled so hard to find my own voice and they, while less articulate, have always had more volume than I have. At this point in my life I thought I was rather a gold medalist at navel gazing. Oh, ye learn something new every day.
I’m on a kick though. A kick towards wellness and being far better than I’ve been in the past. I’m takng tough measures but I’ve felt good about them. I’m seeing change around the corner and light bends to my dreams.