The Meticulous Facade – Many ramblings.
By Min Jung. Filed in General |
It’s something that we all encounter. Carefully groomed and crafted personas that seem flawless and precise: these are those cheerleaders and jocks in high school, debate team leaders, and politicians not to mention the technical luminaries who groom a cult of personality around them and carry with them a brief case of bon mots to support their image. With the care and attention to politics and media this year, book casing the Olympics, it’s a time where we’re all highly sensitive too, and suspicious of Heroes. The film Hero, with Jet Li in the title role is yet another resonating vibe and commentary.
I’m wondering if we’ve become a generation without heroes, and so sardonic that we struggle, perpetually, with the suspension of disbelief that true heroes, every day ones, still exist.
Now the notion of integrity and honor is not new. It’s just often neglected. And the gentlemen out there gripe that the ladies love the bad boys. And the women gripe, that all the men are ass holes or pussies. And everyone has an opinion on the international politics and battle stratagems of our current president and the sexual irresponsibilities of our president prior.
In the meantime, Afghanistan has a woman presidential candidate (likely decades before America will), and hundreds die as Russians and the rest of the world are horrified by the terrorism of children, teachers and families. South Korean has been busted for enriching Uranium, and Britney Spears’ gum goes on sale for more than what a South American family can earn in a year.
Where are the heroes, my dear friends? Where are the heroes? I’m asking questions and I don’t have the answers, nor do I expect you to have them.
My eyes are poor, but the closer I look at people — some close and some far, the more cracks I find in their seemingly porcelain facade.
I’d always taken an indulgent sort of shame and embarrassment with my flaws…as if I were somehow unworthy, and uncool, and far too neurotic, and the dumbest gal in the room; while in their company. The closer I get to them. the more I see flaws. They’re not heroes either. But that’s ok and … in a way, very beautiful.
I’ve been really challenged by the notion of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-management. For myself, 2/3 ain’t bad most days.
Personally. I am governed via a haphazard dedication in faith, abject self-deprecatory humility. And a fondness for mischief and other people. Laid over that, the desperate hope that I won’t do anything to discredit or dishonor my family and what they’ve given to me. Not as an iron fist in how my life is lived, but as a path to take me from here to where I want to be. I veer off lots. I sit under a shady tree and drink wine. I intentionally get lost on occasion, but I always know the path is there and that somehow or other I’ll get back to it.
Myself, I’ve never been good at facades. My best attempts for cloaking my gut intentions or feelings are made by being incommunicado. In person, in dialogue, or via IM. if I’m afraid of how I will be perceived (in terror, grief, horror, fury, etc) it’ll be a rare occasion when you see it. I craft in absence. my own facade.
Children are not like this. When they want something, they ask. When upset,. they cry. When scared, they howl. When hungry, they’ll gum anything you give them. When lonely. they seek out comfort. When cold, they wimper for warmth and tenderness. There is purity in that kind of transparency.
As an adult if you behaved in same manner, you are medicated. Because demonstrating forthright need is … impolite and somehow inappropriate. Our needs are not that different from when we were children. we’ve just boxed up and locked tight our avenues for expression.
Pity.
My friend SJ back in college and I came up with this term “11 Oclocks”. Referring to 11:00 conversations that we had in the dorms. Seemed like all the best conversations happened after that hour. Facades slipped and sometimes cracked. You’d get exhausted with “fronting”. You could finally acquiesce to the idea of not being the hero.. And in many circumstances. just listening to the other transformed you into one.
Isn’t life already too complicated without games, facades, and politeness? When did we become so afraid to ask for what we want? When did we become afraid to need. Anything.
I *need* a hug. I *need* to feel appreciated. I *need* to feel accepted. I *need* to feel understood. I *need* to feel that judgment for my actions past can stay relegated to the past and that I won’t forever be judged and criticized for them. I *need* new trees to sit under along my path, because the sun is far too strong and hot against my brow and the wind is against me some days. I *need* my friends to bring cold beer and good wine to sit under the trees along the path with me as we both get from here to there. I *need* you.
And that, likely, terrifies us both. Very much. But it’ s now 2:17 AM and I cannot front anymore. And perhaps we can be heroes to each other. But most importantly, be real humans first.
Saturday, September 4th 2004 at 4:42 am
day 2 of vacation here in new zealand and it’s caused me to realize the degree to which people in the united states have become so fearful of each other. (fear being the chief factor causing people to contruct facades). people here so far strike me to be overwhelmingly more genuine and friendly and absent of disingenuousness than in the united states. i’m sure it’s partially the initial thrill of being on vacation. it’s making my expatriat-ism swell.
hey i hope yer not lumping the new haircut into the facade catagory. cause it looks pretty damn good in the little square on my buddy icons.
Monday, September 6th 2004 at 8:57 am
Sadly, we grew up in a generation that has heroes that appeal to the current trend in shifting social mores. For instance, Ivan Boesky, Michael Milken, and the fictional Gordon Gekko were the only characters that were elevated by the media in the late 1980’s for us to revere.
I remember stumbling around Washington D.C. a week after President George H. Bush was inaugurated. I was 16, close to finishing my junior year in high school and was completely lost in my search for a generational hero. We were idealistic youth who wanted to take on the world, but didn’t know how to harness the raw talent and energy we had been sitting on like a powder keg. Sadly, most of my friends decided to become capitalists instead of attorneys, choosing the pre-ordained notion that the media had told us we needed to follow. “Greed is good†became our motto after high school and into college. Those of us who did attend University wound up in business, or became entrepreneurs, or teachers. Some did attend law school, some wound up working for the United Nations and making a difference. But the end result was clear and we were too far along in assuming our destiny.
Today, as I await the birth of my first child, I too sit and wonder, who will her heroes be? Who will lead her generation and who will remind them of our failed search in the past? I pray that it will not be anyone close to what I had as a youth and that her generation will realize that it’s not too late to find the right one and learn from them.
Wednesday, September 8th 2004 at 1:08 am
I think it’s time we all go a little deeper and stop trying to see the world as good and evil, filled with villains and heroes. This is the mindset of a certain president, and we see where that’s lead us. No one- not the Dalai Lama, not Mother Theresa- is without flaws or selfish motives. People are complicated. To be human is to be made not of one whole cloth, but several swatches of mismatched fabrics that hopefully blend into something wonderful. And though it’s easy to fall into the trap of judging someone based on superficial observation- that guy’s driving an SUV, so he’s evil; that woman’s doing the breast cancer walk, so she’s admirable- it’s not easy to discern who someone really is. That takes time. It has nothing to do with what someone says or someone thinks, because talking and thinking are easy. True character, as someone once said, is action.
Looking for heroes is a children’s game, and if you’re unable to find any suitable for a child’s level of thinking, well, you’ve just got to try a little harder. At a certain point, though, a person needs to begin looking at the world in shades of gray. The earlier the better. We shouldn’t, as adults, need to think “Bill Clinton is my hero,” only to be shattered by the astounding revelation that he has human weaknesses. This one-dimensional classification system thwarts understanding and provides only a false if comforting illusion or else gut-wrenching disappointment. Where have all the heroes gone? Please. Here’s a hint: You probably won’t see them on tv. They’re too busy actually doing heroic things, which doesn’t make them heroes, just people who are making a positive contribution to the world.
Thursday, September 9th 2004 at 12:50 pm
it’s the little imperfections that make the world perfect.
we can all be heroes if we wish. to ourselves, especially, and once to yourself, to others.
i have no heroes. i don’t think that’s a bad thing. i look up to people; they inspire me. but i do not idolize them, and realizing they have flaws makes ththem even more heroic.
love.