When peeps get horny…neh…desperate
It’s that time of year again.
If I may list off the top 3 times of the year when people get hyper-on-ze-prowl it would be as follows:
#1: Shopping for a New Year’s Kiss/Booty
#2: Shopping for a Valentine’s Date/Booty
#3: Weddings…when you’re not the bride/groom
Why?
It’s the season.
For #1: Folks hate the notion of going home for the holidays, being asked if they’re single/seeing anyone and what must be the horrific traumatizing reason why’re they’re not seeing anyone right now. It’s a high grade of guilt/neurosis and judgement. That’s the “holidays trip home” bleah to address.
Inching towards new years and the ultra aggressive dating maneuvers: Have you seen 200 Cigarettes? Where the gal characters are driven by the need to get laid on new years otherwise the new year will be slated as one without chance of romance/sex? Cursed. Or something. Yeah. It’s that.
For #2: Same reason. Loser again for vday. No one loves you. You suck. And dark chocolates that are black and slightly bitter, like your soul, make your thighs thick and even more unlovable. Just grand.
For #3: Because other folks have found the love of their lives and you haven’t. Yet. Again. And the “singles” people table gets thinner and thinner with more bleak prospects as you continue to sit at these tables over the years. You’re even less likely to be asked to be in the bridal party because a) all your closest friends have already gotten married, b) you won’t look that hot in the bridesmaid dress anymore (even when it *isn’t* a pink merengue and c) you’re 8 years older than the cousin of the bride who is *this year’s hot bridesmaid*. And it’s just kind of sick that way. This is no reason to make out with your step-cousin-in-law (no blood relations) underneath the buffet table. (That is, unless you *really really really really want to*…and of course, when you can blame alcohol.)
All these circumstances are real. I am not making this up. Gal pals become more competitive and catty with each other and jocky for position with guys. Guys become more assertive and actually…call back. A novelty under other conventional times of year.
Me. I’m ducking out of the whole heightened-urgency-desperation-pheremone-hormone thing.
Why?
I’m already cute enough and I know it (clap your hands) and don’t need to launch myself into a situation that I don’t really want just because of the scene and the contrived sense of needing somoene to kiss during the holidays or in a relationship just because it seems like the thing to do and everyone else is gaming for it. If I have successfully ducked relationship-involved guilt from my parents for the last 10 years,then just cuz it’s nigh to xmas and the new year’s, I’m not going to get myself into anything that I don’t 100% want to be in…and for only the right reasons.
So ok?
That and I’m cheap and don’t care to buy gifts for someone just because they’re fun to kiss.
So there.
Consider me Ms-holiday-horniness-poopy-pants on the matter.
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