June 2003 Archive

Luscious liquid, deep and evocative. Blue Velvet.
So are the locks on my dear Jhames’ head. We’ll have pix soon. I love that this color makes his eyes look that much more dreamy drowning-like. No wonder the 19 year olds on friendster wanna jump his jock. I have blue velvet freckles on my arm as well, a little token, tattoo and memories of chilling together.

We’ve been doing well by pooping out most of the weekend, just watching the Animatrix. Him catching up with his thang. Me reading up on all the Beaudilaire’s tragedies and getting some writing done as well. Not so bad, not so bad. I’m rather fond of my afternoon with Vinnie, sitting in a patch of sunshine and reading. It’s a good dog day sunday kind of thing.

I even made a roast at midnight on Saturday. Why? Why not. Damn Tasty.

I’ve been drinking a glass of wine while catching up with the Tivo. It’s strange being back in California. There’s a definite shift to the life out here since I was gone and I’m still settling into my own skin and vibe. Things aren’t quite there yet but they will be.

Napping heavily. It’s been needed and my shoulders haven’t quite let go of their taut energies. I’ll be there soon. Soon, my love. Soon.

Note to self.
Wash your sheets. It’ll make the makings of new dreams easier.
New dreams in blue velvet, perhaps.

This weekend was good and did a little to cleanse my mind of some detritus. Never a bad thing.

Highlights:
Chilling with Cheyenne, Chris, & Gretchen
Breakfast at Sauls
Going to an Open House (1.2Million. Not buying it. So sad. But I want to live there ever ever ever so much)
Getting a lickety sticky luscious kiss from Miss Angelina
Walking oceanside with Jhames
Eating Dinner at Lucky Creations Vegetarion Chinese Restaurant
Watching Barbershop while eating some FauxFood (Takeout from Lucky Creations)
And settling in for a deep dreamless sleep.

It ain’t so bad, my life.

This Saturn Return shit is wack. Someone tell Saturn to get the fuck outta my hood for a bit.

I’m done with it.

I mean seriously. Overload.

Since my 29th Birthday.

* Car Accident
* Job Situation Ups & Downs
* Personal Health challenges with the back ache
* Dad’s health concerns
* 11th year anniversary of my mom’s passing.
* And other…really really involved stuff. My heart is weakened.

Time to cause some damage tonight, remind myself how gawddamn charming I am, and go flirt anew. Damn Skippy.

This is about me. Not you. Definitley not you.

You ask me what my state of mind is.

I say it is static.
But it’s a bleeding rumble of lies and broken bone pieces too.

I’m trying to understand things.
To reconcile reality, super-reality, and farce.
And those smokey liquid dreams in cerulean and crimson.

I’m trying to escape my own head
While anchoring myself to my body.

I’m trying to believe that there is truth
In the words that stunted themselves from my own lips.

But it’s hard, and maybe I spoke too soon.

I’m fine really. In the big picture scope of things, I’m grand.
After all, if a feeling at this moment means anything
It’s a small feeling. In a small moment. In a small place. Me.
And that small moment is a solitary insignificant thing in the course of my lifetime. Right? Right.

Vectors: Time, Space, Emotional Bandwidth.
Qualifyers: Opportunity for introspection, Perspective, Feedback Loop,
Variants: Fried Egg over Rice. Cold Coffee. A phone call.
Constants: God. Me. Love.
Anticipated Results: Too early to tell.