Quotes of the Day
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“I *STILL* love you like a fat kid loves cake”
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“You’re a dork”
“I love you too.”
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“Project Rescue?”
“Yeah. When I have to reference it on email, I put it in quotes. I actually have to stop typing to put my fingers in the air to make that quotey sign too. It’s *that* wrong and stupid.”
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On Stupid Men In General (or specific) – Poetica Spontenaium 4/16/03
Oh my he’s a lyrical liar
His head should be shoved in a fryer
As his ears crackle and smoked
I’d grin smugly all stoked
And crank the heat
just a bit higher.
Oh my he’s a filandering fool
With ignorance on how to be cool
He’d sell his own mother
Fuck the wife of his brother
Though poorly because
He’s got a small tool.
Oh my he’s a loathsome wretch
All girls should be warned not to catch
You think I’m being bitchy
But he gave this girl an itchy
But then again,
Who am I to kvetch?
Taxday -> Porn & Pizza – A New American Tradition.
I can say with full confidence that last night was an utter success. Snark. Good pizza. Frivolities. More one liners than you could imagine.
Ernie came with Big Mike, Paris – sporting PornVision goggles, The Roommate Jon, The Roommate Jhames, Cheyenne, Milly, (Who I hadn’t seen since last year when we were hottubbing for my birthday together) Jason, Shabihi, and The Roommate Long (yes, that’s his real name and funny, we didn’t even make a crack at that) along with Shmoo. The gals came dressed in little high school girl uniforms. Shmoo regrets not having planned to wear a little tennis outfit. Does he know I have a thing for little shorts? *Giggle*
We can now say with confidence that no, the terrorists didn’t win. Gawd Bless America.
And I agree with Cheyenne, after this experience, I can’t imagine watching porn without the color commentary. It’s so much gawdddamn fun with it. So good. So so so so good.
The Radio Interview
Sirius Radio or online at www.sirius.com/outq.
Sirius Radio, Stream 149
The show is 3-6 PST with Derek And Romaine.
The call-in number is toll free 866 305 6887.
I’ll be on live ~3:15 -> PST.
Bad Carma Chameleon
What. The. Fuck.
Second time in two years that I’ve run over something that’s blown out my tire. This time, so badly that the wheel started smoking. After swivveling at length within my lane and edging myself over, I was barely able to safely navigate myself over to the shoulder of 880 in the midst of high morning traffic. The tire itself is shredded and looked as if a rabid monkey with obsidian sharp pincer teeth had chewed itself out from it’s spinning torture chamber.
So shaken up am I that I work from home the rest of the afternoon.
A few hours later, I get a call from the roomate who tells me that his battery or alternator or charger or *something* has decided to kaput itself. Have I jumper cables? Yes. Can I leave the house just yet? No. A conference call has me trapped. I send another roommate to go to the rescue and while pushing & shoving are better tasks for the manlier than I, a tow truck is in the near future.
Dear Gawd. Was it something I said?
“Huh” – Poetica Spontenaium
(Inspired by a found matchbook from Shiraku Restaurant, New York circa 1997)
There were all these things he said to me.
And too many coarsities said in return
And in discourse and dialogue
And volume and gestures
We could not come to agreement.
So we agreed not to.
We shrugged into each other
Resigned to be we
Without parity in judgement to the other.
We both stubborn and needing,
Pressing and imploding
Dragged each other’s hearts under our snappish breaths.
We left each other, that time, in boney silence.
The next morning I asked him
“Are you still mad at me?”
A kiss told me that he was not.
Was it wrong for me to not forgive him until now
When I can’t recall why we ever fought.
Hey, I’m *really* in the Gay Community
Tuesday – April 15th ~3PM ->
I’ll be interviewed onSirius Radio, stream 149 – OutQ
OutQ
News, information, and entertainment for the Gay and Lesbian community. OutQ is the only 24/7, nationwide source of news, information, and entertainment specifically for the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender community, their family, friends, and supporters. The programming engages listeners in dialogue about political and social issues, relevant news topics, lifestyle information, and entertainment. Topics include: current events, family, financial planning, dating, recreation, pop culture, and legal and social issues. OutQ is THE Place to turn to for the most up-to-date news and information affecting the Gay/Lesbian segment of the population.
It�s entertaining, it�s provocative, it�s OutQ on SIRIUS.
From Derek (Yes! I collected a DEREK!) who originally emailed me regarding the interview,
“Anyway, I know you are straight, but you were nominated for a webby for best gay blog. So, I am hoping you will come on the show to talk about your blog, your nomination and the what it is like to live an exposed life and be an online gay icon. “
Well now, if that don’t beat all.
Friendster’s getting weird.
In addition to being a cruising pool for gay men or bloggers, or…gay bloggers, and spiraling into a “I collected a Derek. A DEREK! A DEREK FROM FANTASY MAN ISLAND! I SOOO ROXOR YOUR ASS. AND NEENER NEENER NEENER You don’t have a Derek” kind of a card trading experience, I’ve just added Coffee and Cookie as my friend.
I’m too shy to request a friendship link from the Inanimate Carbon Rod.
I’m not friends with Pot. And Cigarettes and I are breaking up soon so I can’t add that to the mix. Conch is too … I dunno… well, I collect Conches in Animal Crossing. But I sell them there too…so I’m kind of a Conch Pimp and don’t really consider that business relationship a friendship.
Mayonaise and I really don’t hang.
I so swear I’m not making this up.
Pizza & Playboy – Tuesday April 15th~7PM
It’s on.
Pizza & Playboy. 1 Veg Deluxe. 1 Meat Eaters Pizza. There’s more than a few jokes in there.
Planning stuff like this makes me *so* wish I’d remembered to bring my catholic high school uniform back from Michigan during the holidays.
Heeee!
I recommend that you hold your own local Pizza & Playboy event. It’ll be great.
Kind of like them Meetups but … with boobs.
Do you wanna come? Drop me a line.
Playboy Party?
Playboy is running a “Tax Day Relief” pay per view promotion with Comcast.
Only $0.99 per movie.
I’m tempted to have some folks over, order a pizza, and let the color commentary fly.
What do you think?
Would you come over for Pizza & Porn?
Conversation held in the Shower
Moi: Girl, you and me. We gotta talk.Belly: Huh? About what?
Moi: Honey, it’s not easy saying this…but .. um… you’re beginning to let yourself.. go.Belly: You’re calling me fat?
Moi: Well…Belly: Grr grumble grumble.. hey, stop being so stingy with the soap.
Moi: There was a time when I didn’t have to use this much soap.Belly: Bitch.
Moi: And honestly, you’re not fat, per se. You’re lovely, and likeable for the touch. You’re cheerful. But…Belly: But what?
Moi: You know how old we’re going to be at the end of the month, don’t you?Belly: Yeah, and?
Moi: Stop hitting me with those cravings for chocopies and vanilla coke in the middle of the night, would you?Belly: That ain’t me. That’s your uterus.
Moi: Yeah, but you *take* it. You used to be the more vocal one…and now you’re just lying back and letting the uterus tell me what to do all the time. That’s not right? Don’t you think you should *care*?Belly: What for? I’m happy either way. And besides, isn’t it about time your coochie got what it wanted? Hell, I’m cheering for her.
Moi: Shut up. Anyways. When was the last time you did a situp?Belly: …
Moi: Yeah.Belly: I don’t need to do any damn situps. Whatever. I’m loveable just as I am. I mean, Shmoo even kissed me last time we hung out.
Moi: Yes, that’s true, he adores you…but remember when you used to be *HOT*. Everyone loved you. Remember when I was considering a piece of jewelry for you last year?Belly: Yeah you chickened out. Wuss. I could use a nice little bling bling here.
Moi: Well now you’re being a pussy about doing situps & crunches?Belly: Dude, the pussy is further south than me. Don’t forget who you’re talking to here.
Moi: Look, do I abuse you? Am I Kate Moss or Claire Danes to you?Belly: I ain’t Fat Bastard either.
Moi: I’m just saying you’re still too young to be going so soft so soon. We both have years of ultra hottie left in usBelly: That’s true. So where do you want me to start little Ms Tony Robbins?
Moi: Just a few situps. We’ll set some goals.Belly: Are you having this same conversation with your ass?
Moi: We have an appointment for coffee tomorrow.
Monday Morning Thinks
1. Doing my taxes sucks. Ass.
2. Sunshine does a body & spirit good. My shoulders are still a little miffed at me though, for allowing so much pink-itude from Sunday’s brunch.
3. Teaching folks the wonders of the deh soogon is good. For no other reason beyond having a beautiful and charming gay man say to me “I think of you every time I’m in the shower.”
4. Some folks, *really* make sin look exquisite & elegant. Others look like assholes when they’re trying to be virtuous. In all circumstances, sinful & non, I look like a dork.
5. Friends, new & old, mixed with bloody mary’s and lemon soju, is *always* a good time.
6. If some folks really thought just a little bit harder about what they were going to say, before they said it, and how the other person might hear it, before it was actually heard, then maybe the world would be a little bit more cheerful.
7. T-17 Days until my birthday. I turn an elegant 29. (*cough* there *is* a wishlist yonder, but I’d prefer you make a charitable contribution on my behalf at any of your local philanthropic organizations. Still, the Center for Tax Relief in the Name of Min Jung *is* taking donations)
8. T-19 Days until me and some other very fine & beautiful peeps plan for a shindig of epic proportions. (Did I miss you on the evite? Are you non psychotic and do I know you? Would you bring beer, ice, and good times?)
9. I am, overall, very happy. And I know it. (Clap your hands)
10. Sometimes, it’s true, that which is most precious to you is the thing that you keep close to your heart and private such that it’s intimate joy will be untainted by the dinginess that is sometimes every day life.
And #11 Advice from the kissing bandit:
A. Love, adore, and kiss all that is beautiful, grand, and holy.
B. All things and people are beautiful, grand, and holy.
C. And just because all things are beautiful, grand, and holy does not mean that any of them are obliged to be perfect or unchangeable.
D. Do more kissing. It’s fun and you’re damn good at it.
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