September 2002 Archive

There are few things so eyeopening as daring to google the names of folks from your highschool yearbook.Bejebus. Sadly enough, no one turned to a life of porn. A few are quite successful and leading interesting lives, and some make me feel very ashamed of the petty little feelings that I had in my heart before. Shame on me, indeed.

It’s 3 AM. Do you know where your children are?

If you’re my dad (And thank gawd he’s not on the internet) then your kid would be home, typing away, looking nerdy, wearing clean Hello Kitty PJ’s, and alone. All things that should make a father rather pleased.

He’s rather cute. If you’ve ever thought that I might be unduly exaggerating on the cuteness factor of my pops, then you really need to listen to this. Voicemail 9/16/02.
Loop the recording until you’re able to cease giggling.

Another piece of voicemail comes from a lovely lady north of the border and the news of it delights my soul to no end. I grinned from ear to ear for a few days. Voicemail 9/10/02. This is in reference to my 2 page spread that was published in Banana for the Summer issue. Wee.

And if you thought bloggers were boring, then gracious, I present to you the following two pieces of contrary evidence.

#1. Mena Trott of Moveable Type playing the banjo and saying “FUCK”
Click File

#2. A Dildo Unicorn.

If you ask the lovely Miss Champ why Dildos remind her of Xmas, tis the smell. Rather like Barbie Dolls.

Pretty much all I can say is God Bless America

I am basking in the glow of Marvy stories from today’s Fray Day. Fray Day 6 was a blast and big big props to all those who worked on it, were involved, told stories, or came to share in the cozy event.

Hurrah.

Poetica Spontenaium

When you walk away
My spirit fumbles after you.
You know not, how hard it is
to stay still in those moments.

Little by little, the blog ho’ in me comes back.
The webcam is working again.
It’ll be on intermittently.

Thank you for passing the butter, Theodor Geisel
Also known as…white people are crazy and this is why I eat rice. Kidding. Kidding.

Audioblog: The Butter Battle Book .

Knock knock knock.

Is the world still there?
So far so good.

Say a prayer today. All day. And everyday. As it should be.

And I’d like to reiterate my Vow that I originally posted here a few months ago.

Vow
Today I make a vow of tenderness. Of kindness. Of charity. Of patience. Of forgiveness. And of being human and present and real to all who cross my path today. Today I make a vow to pause before I express myself in a manner that might be arrogant, distasteful, disrespectful or unkind. Today I vow to make myself be as human and empathetic to others as I hope that they would be for me. Today I vow to restrain my crankiness and not allow my emotions to reign over or take precedent over the emotions of another. Today I vow that I will do all that I can to be good. I vow not to aspire to the supernatural or holy, but to be human, in the most basic and significantly honest way possible. Today I vow to breathe deeply of the goodness capable in humankind and to release all residiual stains and scars and crimes that otherwise chip at my soul and my being. Today I vow to be as good as I can be and nothing more. And certainly nothing less.

Shit.

I done started the flood.

Is it a crime?

Is it a crime to want to opt out of the whole 9/11 thing?
It’s not because I’m a cynic or because I’m making some sort of political or anti-political statements. It’s not because I don’t care. It’s not because I’m un-American. It’s not because I don’t feel loss. It’s not because I have no sense of empathy or respect. It’s not because I’m pro war or pro peace or pro anything. Nor am I feeling really anti-anything.

It’s because after one year, I still don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel. I know that I want to cry. I can feel my nose swell up as I type. I could cry so easily. If I let myself, I could cry for the next few days straight. But, well, I can’t let myself. I just can’t.

I know I feel a massive sense of rawness in me. And to confront it, well…it’s like taking a piece of broken glass to pick off a scab that hasn’t quite healed yet, and will likely scar fiercely.

To be honest, I’m a very simple girl and I’m weak. I would rather run away from the big scary world for a few days and immerse myself in any number of Studio Ghibli Anime flicks that are simple, sweet, and still refreshingly hopeful in their wide eyed bemusement of simple things. Simple tendernesses. Small lives. Sweet joys. Those films weave a warm little net around your heart. And that’s about all I can handle right now.

For the next 48 hours I plan to put myself in a media-free cocoon. I can’t handle this any other way right now.

I’m sorry.

And if you tell me that it’s a crime, or that I’m a coward, or that I’m weak, then go ahead and tell me so. I know already that it’s true and you’re right. I just can’t handle this any other way right now. I really can’t. And I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry.

New Tech Girl. Old School Romantic.
Ok I’m a geek. I have an obscene amount of MP3s and every once in a while I’ll do a file search on the drives and create a playlist based on a word. Today’s MP3 mix is based on the search term “Forever”. This, is my favorite song today.

I love the notion that such things can still exist…like an emotion, an enthrallment, an attachment, a sense of Jhung (an undefineable Korean term for attachment/commitment/connection/understanding/heart). Is it possible to be both a cynic and old fashioned & hopeless romantic?

I’d never do it personally, but I respect anyone who trully dies from heartache. There used to be a time when any young lover could experience an overwhelming emotion that would swell from the belly up to expand through the chest and get caught in the throat and stay stuck there, making it impossible to eat, to speak, to live with the glorious burden of trying to express the magnitude of their love to the other. Ahh…I’m a fool, aren’t I? Perhaps forever. But I rather like it that way.

*Lavender*

The latest in spontaneous audio drivel from yours truly.

The Audioblog page will get tweaked & worked on. I figure it’ll replace the *Specials* page which isn’t very special right now.

Also plans to bring the cam back up & running. Joy. The joy of geekdom.

Today I wore a powder blue fleece shirt.
I consider it the equivalent of wearing a hug.

Something silly that I rather needed.

In other news, I guess I must be doing something right. Mini Promo/Mini Punishment, not quite sure…but I’ve got a whole new set of responsibilities at work now. Oy, go figure.

I’m going to try & spend some tie in a tub this weekend to refresh my soul. Much needed, I’m afraid.

How the hell is it possible for me to feel burnt out again already?

* Maybe it’s because my job is 99% trying to run up waterfalls.
* Maybe it’s because I’m trying hard to juggle writing commitments with lack of free time.
* Maybe it’s because I’m still feeling slightly under the weather.
* Maybe it’s because I care too much about everyone & everything.

Or then again, maybe it’s because I started off the day craptacularly with a nearly 3 hour commute into SF (normally about 45 Minutes) and then had a 1 hour conference call and a 3 hour meeting. And then stuff to organize and take care of. Mind you, this is a *slow* week for me in the fact that I had no 8AM presentations to manage.Grr.

Gorgeous Rockstar Stylist Nikas helped me at least cover my gray hairs yesterday and tone down the red and the roots that have been running amok on my head.

“My gawd. My roots currently make me look like Shakira. I need new highlights, and though I love the way she sings, *PLEASE* don’t give me highlights like Kelly from American Idol”.

Nikas complied brilliantly as always and did some color correction, tint, and highlights to make me a chestnut brunette with honey highlights. For fabu pampering, as always, find and book an appointment with Nikas here. You’re worth every damn penny. Oh yes you are.

And gawddamnit, I most definitely am too.

Upcoming Events of Note
Sept 6-8 – Korean Film Fest in East Bay
Sept 14 & 15 – Fray Cafe
Sept 23-28 – APAture
Sept 28 – Performance by Strangely (at Apature)

October will be kicked off with hopefully a small trip to Austin to see a raver cowboy get married to another guy and visiting with some lovely peeps in Austin & Dallas if I can swing it.

Are you around? Do I know and adore you? Can I come stay on your couch?

Holiday Weekend Recap – Part 2
The fellas from work are lucky I didn’t bring my digicam with me on Saturday. To be honest, not all of them are that photogenic anyways. (Kidding). Saturday was spent at the Oakland A’s, tailgating before the game and playing a game of “Guess”. With throngs of crowds heading into the Oakland Coliseum to see either the A’s game or Little Bow Wow, it was tremendous trying to pick out who the jailbait was trying to pick up on hoochies at the ballpark or who the hoochies were going with their babies to see Little Bow Wow. Now there’s a kid, who as yet, is nobody’s baby daddy. Give him a year or two and he’ll catch up, I’m sure.

The A’s game was a blast and it’s nice to know that the home team is on a winning streak. Cross fingers, yo.

Afterwards, I headed off to the beach for smores, smacktalk and mischief with the gang. The new discovery being that smores are even better when you rip open a sticky marshmallow to shove a piece of chocolate inside and then seal it back up before placing it fireside to toast. Highlights were sitting by the beach to listen to the ocean, trying to imitate the dance moves from oldschool Michael Jackson, and watching Chrissy try to roll herself out of the firewood box that she’d inadvertently become trapped in.

Sunday Morning was relaxing, napping sweetly in the comfort of a freshly made bed, and then heading back out to see the Yoko Ono exhibit at the Moma with my friend the pseudo Porn Star. A long walk through the mission, talking about the vacillation between bitter cynicism and the humanity that is still evident in the most desperate. He’s of the opinion that homeless should be hunted down and killed with blow darts. I remember the similar distaste that I have for certain people who’s carbon mass would be better utilized as a tree, but those people aren’t crack heads or the homeless. They have jobs, are clean, appear civilized, but are otherwise ugly human beings on the inside.

The streets in the Mission needs more trees, we both agreed.

Monday, bbq over at Dave’s with the gang, watching the Tivo’ed VM Awards and American Idol, followed by excruciating torture to Ernie about his upcoming TV appearance on the daytime syndicated show “The Weakest Link”.

Today, an ugly day getting back to work, trying to resolve a new found groupie fan crush on Joe Hahn, a member of Linkin Park, and then spent maxing & relaxing while naked, at the spa with the girls. It’s an all women’s spa and I felt much like I’d stepped into an episode of Sex In the City while chatting with the girls about our various mischief, our perspectives on love & dating, and the humorous and oft times borderline traumatic episodes we’ve encountered regarding the subject of our parents’ sex lives.

Delight oh my soul.

My legs are jelly and the knots in my back are beaten down significantly after subjected to the water jets, and I feel content, clean, and clear headed for the first time in what feels like eons. It’s very good to be alive.

Holiday Weekend Recap – Part 1
So Friday night I was able to enjoy the irascible company of the very emotional Eric as we attended the Save Ferris concert at Slims. We both confessed that in spite of the fact that we both adore ska punk, neither of us had really heard anything memorable come out of the band since their big mainstream splash on the 10 Things I Hate About You soundtrack. (Which, by the way, is an excellent and highly enjoyable movie & accompanying soundtrack).

Maybe you’ll remember This Song.

Neither of us were expecting the caliber of the performance to be as totally fun, raunchy, and bombastic. Highlights include the lead siren shoving the microphone down her blouse (which strategically kept on slipping downwards), and her unzipping her blouse to the delight of the chicks & dudes in the front row. This was preceded by pornstar blow job pantomiming. I bet the guy who cleaned the mic off after the show is now in love.

Eric: “[The lead singer, Monique] is like the older, sluttier sister of Gwen Steffani”
Moi: “Yeah. I like her too!”

Eric is apparently incapable of taking normal, polite, pictures.

And he has an extraordinary capacity for nostril flaring.

And yes, this is how I look with my nerdy new glasses. Wish I’d fixed my hair though.

Now we’re both emotional. Create your own caption in the comments if you wish.

Monique belting it out while holding up her breasts.

And yes, even a bootleg of Save Ferris care of yours truly.
Amazing amazing good stuff. Please go visit them at their website. Preview their goodies here. Buy this. or this if you dig them.

Great local band Eleventeen performed as their opening act. Snippet of the show here.

And to anyone who cares, Eric is like the Coelacanth. You think that genuine good guy nice folks like him had all gone the way of the dodo. Not a drinker, smoker, or cusser. The fellow doesn’t even litter. Of course after harassing him at length about his boy scout qualities he paypals me for the concert tickets and places “hot anal sex” in the subject line and refers to me as a skank. Becharmed.

I am behaving badly and there looks to be no end in sight.
For shame.

After this weekend I think I’ll put myself in some sort of deprivation tank, or as per the discussion with some similarly mischievous girlfriends, go sit in a hottub with gal pals, chat, and sip champagne as we soft through the gems and pebbles rolling about in our noggins.

Adventures from the weekend including concert pix, bonfire pix, and my recent visit to the Moma to come shortly.