There are things that I want to sort out and unpack in my head and perhaps blog about before I forget…but then it’s too late and I can’t find the scratchpaper that has my latest list.
Last night I was writing checks for my bills. A very mundane task and no I wasn’t really balancing it properly. Still, flipping through the pages, looking at how my handwriting changed from month to month or week to week, it seemed a reasonably accurate way to judge my state of financial anxiety or health based on the temperament in my signatory scrawl instead of the quantitative evidence on each check receipt. I wish there were other records of my state of mood/mind that didn’t have associations with being flat pocketed.
Since blogging, I rarely, if ever, hand write notes anymore. The typing, the digitization of it all seems to sanitize the emotions or undercurrents present in my state of mind and expression, and being conscientious to that, I’ve found I need to be slightly more transparent with my personal meditations. It lacks, to some degree, the spirit of poetry and intimacy that comes with reading a hand written diary. The subtext must be made literally to be understood.
But then again, it’s also a lot easier to read than my regular handwriting.
There are things that I want and things that I am scared to want.
Decent handwriting is one of the easier wishes to categorize.
With 3 months left in the year, I’m wondering where my time and money has gone. What have I accomplished and what’s the most pertinent memory with me for the three quarters past. So much left to do and to squeeze in. How?
Typing 70 wpm helps, I suppose. But when my brain and my motivation limps along at about 3 wpm, I’m a bit lost, I suppose.