DAMN IT ALL TO HELL # 64221903
Again. (Oh, do you remember when one credit card # was stolen through the mail and another was thefted a few months back? Joy. Obviously I’m being punished for purchasing those very cute red pants last weekend)
It’s happened again.
Citibank was kind enough to give me a call today to alert me re: suspicious activity on my credit card.
Wah?
Restaurant charges. A bill of $51.10.
In Fairfield California.
At of all gawd forsaken places.. Chuckie Cheese.
Of all unholy circumstances. An evil mom taking her evil spawn to an evil evil place in which mechanical rats delight & play banjos. For an evil birthday party where they played evil evil skeeball. Evil, I say. Evil.
This in addition to apparently $600 in purchases from Target out in Pinole.
Damn it all to hell.
Someone slip me a valium now.
Adult-hood
I’m trying my best to be slightly more adultish these days. I’m still waffling on it but I try. While I was in NYC, my bro asked me if I was saving up for … property. To buy a home or something in the next year or two. “Pah!” I said. Have you seen Northern California Real Estate prices? That’s a good one. I mean, really, why even bother? I can barely commit to my weekend engagements. How am I supposed to latch myself down to a home mortgage for 20 years+? Is it not enough that I’ve latched myself down to car payments for the next 5 years?
So, I went shopping. So I tried to mull through activities adultish over the weekend. For the first time in what felt like years, I had little planned. Just major housecleaning and a commitment to give all retired clothing/electronics/ and misc. toys over to the Salvation Army. This turned into an all weekend affair where about 7 bags or 50 lbs worth of clothes were excised from my closet. I also sorted through some old items and decided to pass on my clock radio, previous two cel phones, a pager, two land line phones, and an answering machine dating back to 1997 to “the cause”. One old cel phone looks like it could have been used to bludgeon small baby seals. Feeling suitably unburdened, *that* is when I went shopping.
Outlet shopping at it’s best is license not to feel guilty for shopping frivolously. Still, I passed on going to Old Navy and instead sauntered in to Ann Taylor. It’s a different adult vibe in there and in spite of myself I bought some stellar red pants.
This past week, I even stopped smoking. Yup, I’ve had, at most, 1/4 of a cigarette per day. Two days passed and I didn’t even miss it. Impressive? Perhaps not, but a step in the right direction for yours truly. This is a drastic reduction from my NYC chain smoking. And what’s this? Turning off the “Party All the Time” radio station where they’re playing a dance remix of “The Price is Right” in exchange for NPR? Weird but true. I only get slightly annoyed by the ads for Verbal Advantage aka “How to talk like a White square to impress absolutely no one in particular because you think that obscure and oblique etymology is really uh, hot.”
I wish they would come up with a slang version of Verbal Advantage that addressed certain social enclaves.
“Urban Advantage” – H to the Izzo, wazzup cuz?
“Skater Advantage ” – That was one sick move, bro.
“L33t Advantage” – Suxors R U L33T
“Geek Advantage” – Uh… will you blog with me?
“Canadian Advantage” – Spare a toony, eh?
“AzN Advantage” – see L33t & Urban Advantage
Don’t ask me why but I now feel the urge to go buy pink raver pants.
MeetUp of Bloggers?
Intriguing.
Especially considering that “International Blog MEETUP Day is 6 Days Away!”
Anyone else up for it?
So, Gorgeous man calls me tonight to ask how my trip to NY was.
“Grand” I respond
“So…”
“Soo what?”
“Did you get some..”
“Oh please. “
“Wait, your’e not getting off the hook so easily, how was it?”
“It was great, ok. And you?”
“I just came back from a phenomenal date and I had to tell someone.”
“OK, make me feel more dejected. I didn’t get laid or anything in NY and you came back from a date that makes you purr. So what’s her name.”
“Verrrrronica. She’s Nicaraguan.”
“Hot?”
“Very.”
“So you called to gloat that not only do you not love me but that you went on a date with a woman who requires her name to have R’s rolling like honey tipped hummingbirds”
“Hey, it’s not like that. I’m calling a good friend to share my happiness and excitement…”
“Sure… if you weren’t so damn cute, I’d find this behavior utterly beyond annoying.”
“I know.”
“Damn you and your mighty cuteness.” (shaking fist mightily)
Seriously. He looks like a cuter hapa version of Alex Greenwald or Ryan Philippe. Slay me now.
Reason’s to stay home on a friday night?
Def Poetry Jam & My Pussy.
Well, I hope at least. Check this. http://www.hbo.com/defpoetry/
One of my big fave spoken word artists, a immensely talented and beautiful young woman (who’s actually come to one of my house parties no less) Ishle Park is going to be on the program tonight – Friday at midnight.
PHAT.
#1. I feel a bit annoyed that they mispelled her name on the program on the website.
#2. Hopeful that she’ll perform this great little piece which she performed at Locus Arts for a Bridgebuilding event between Japanese American and Korean American women artists/writers. (And yeah, I read a little something there too after SXSW earlier this year).
Hot damn. And wooo, what’s this? She blogs too? I’m not stalking. Honest. I’m just really super crazy excited for her.
New York Trip 2002 – Overview
Tuesday Night/Wednesday
Packing, cleaning & smooching goodbyes, farewells, and etc. miscellany.
Rushing over to Ernie’s place where he’s finishing up packing.
Belinda shows up with Ritchie & fried chicken from Jollibees.
Eating makes us nearly miss our flight and we’re in a high panic as we race through the airport.
The flight?
Ernie gets elbowed in the ribs hard by the bruiser sitting next to him.
I have every colicky baby deciding to make a transcontinental flight within a 5 seat radius of me.
It’s a red eye. And mine are indeed red by 6:AM or so when we arrive in Newark Airport.
First reactions?
Me: “What the fuck. It’s 6 AM and it’s 90 degrees. This sucks.”
Ernie:”Damn it, I need a cigarette and I need it now.”
After mild distractions with getting into manhattan, we arrive at my bro’s apartment, clean up a bit, and then head down towards Union Street to have breakfast with the lovely Bertie and the charming Choire. Have I mentioned how deliciously evil Choire is? I love him.
Trash talk ensues. Then a nap over at Swerd’s place. I slept in Jonathan’s bed. Alas he wasn’t in it at the time and when my groggy head woke up upon his arrival that evening to pack his things before leaving town, he pretty much said “Oh, hi… that’s nice.. you know you have to change my sheets now, they’re stinky.” Ultra glam folks.
Later that evening we hook up with some of Bertie’s pals and my friend, the amazing Rebecca (in red) over at the Rodeo Bar for peanuts flambe and fajitas on the hoof. Random small world. One of Bertie’s friends was a student of one of my friend’s.
Met up with my brother, attempted to go out and totally pooped instead. Ernie & Bertie had their Booghetto incident and I slept fitfully.
Thursday
Sleeping late, brunching with the bro, and rooftop vistas of San Francisco. It’s interesting seeing a skyline with the twin towers missing. I felt uneasy but I suppose that’s the most that a non native new-yorker can muster in terms of response or reaction.
A gaggle of us met up for Dinner at Lucky Chengs.
Recap of that event *here*.
Was delighted to see Phil & His Friends, Luscious Larry (who by the way has a really cute and charming girlfriend), Anil & Jason for an evening of cheery snarking. Fireworks were viewed from the squished roof of my bro’s apartment and then we went back downtown for Drinks were had at Liquid afterwards. I met up with the Ultimate Straight Man this evening and despite speculation, no, he doesn’t have a hunchback or any noticeably hairy moles.
Friday:
Lunch at Joe Shanghai’s in Chinatown. Cuz gee, we don’t have a Chinatown in the bay area. Ha. Walked around downtown and paid respects at Ground Zero. I said a brief prayer for my friend Christina that worked for Cantor Fitzgerald. Afterwards, some shopping for additional shorts as I had effectively sweated my way completely through the two pairs that I had brought with me. Yummy – sweat and walking through NYC in a muggy sauna that smells of garbage, urine, sweat, and pissed off locals.
I got to meet the amazing Doc Grosz and snuggle with him between bouts of feeding my internet addiction. I am a geek. He is tremendously hot. And delight oh my soul with realizing that hey, I’d actually seen his band perform live during a Premium Blend filming a few years back. They rock. Listen to them.
Boojie Dinner was had with my bro and his wife. Churascurria or something like that. It’s an all you can eat Brazilian bbq place where the waiters are insanely attentive and they walk around with huge swords with roast dead animal speared on it. Hmmm, tasty. Lamb, chicken, pork loin, prime rib, sirloin, some salmon as well. Hot damn. I haven’t swallowed so much meat since Texas.
Following that was 6 hours of insane sweating at the Oakenfold concert at a nightclub called “Exit” with Ernie, Bertie, & Swerd.
Mind you, if you saw about 2000 sweaty men, well built, wearing lots of jewelry, and with their tops off dancing to trance and hugging each other in San Francisco, you’d imagine yourself at a circuit party, right? In this scene it’s 2000 guidos.
Guidos up the yang yang. Guidos from here to long island. Guidos as far as the eye can see. Guidos around each corner and flicking sweat on you as you wait for the bathroom. Guidos giving other guidos really poor light show. And you know what? Add a few more guidos on top of that. This in addition to women who dressed like strippers, and others that moved like them. It’s an experience watching Bertie and Swerd both check out the large breasted gallies from the balcony.
Accidentally ran into Rahat while there which was brief and sweet treat.
Saturday:
Severely dehydrated but delighted, I had lunch with Sujin, an old college friend. I was a bridesmaid for her wedding and now she’s big preggers. Her parents still like to chide me about why I’m not married and why I still can’t speak Korean. They love me anyway. Mrs. Lee helped me pick out a lovely Korean cookbook for my stepmom and Sujin & I picked up some ridiculously cute Moshimaru & San Rio items.
I later got to spend some time with my pal Logan, another great writer (non blogger). I think I frightened his bro & future sister-in-law with how totally geekily entrenched in blog social scenes I am. Still, Logan and his roommate Matt along with their pal Howard grabbed some grub at Grays Papaya before going to Pioneer Bar to meet the rest of the blog crew.
I got drunk. I took Japanese Import Model pix. I kissed Choire. I kissed Josh. Josh kissed Ernie. I kissed Brian on the head. For once I didn’t kiss Bertie. Go figure. I also successfully flirted with the DJ enough so that he’d play Sharkskin Mouth, a phenom single from Brian’s Band while we were there. We made the security guard nervous when we started shouting & standing on chairs.
Did I mention silly karaoke too? I had a blast though and big thanks to everyone who showed up!
Btw
Eddie is a funny dude who let me jump on the hood of his car.
Rahat knows way more about Korean Pop Star Transsexuals than is normal for a straight man
Choire is a Blog Whore’s Biggest Whore’s best friend
Huny is a hottie and can sing scintillation like no one else I know
Li owns a pair that is bigger than my head. Honest.
Josh is a sweetheart and cracks me up to no end.
Joey & Jumi are adorable and marvy.
Bj deigned to visit with us inspite of our high heterosexuality quotient.
Paul – has started dressing like a Korean Guido and I’m frightened by this.
And that’s pretty much that.
Sunday, I was hung over, back on a plane, and home before I could even wipe the sweat off my ass again.
I think that pretty much sums it up. You are now returned back to your usual programming. *If I forgot something, tell me*
Solo Sexy Mutha Fucka moments (and no, no batteries are required…except in your MD player)
Few pleasures as delightful as listening to the original soundtrack to Purple Rain.
Prince is still one sexy mutha fucka and we all need a refresher course on what that shit means, yo.
I will completely ignore the fact that Leanne Rimes has done a cover of this. *shudders*
“Purple Rain”
I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted to one time see you laughing
I only wanted to see you laughing in the Purple Rain
Refrain:
Purple Rain Purple Rain
Purple Rain Purple Rain
Purple Rain Purple Rain
I only wanted to see you bathing in the Purple Rain
I never wanted to be your weekend lover
I only wanted to be some kind of friend
Baby I could never steal you from another
It’s such a shame our friendship had to end
Refrain:
I only wanted to see you underneath the Purple Rain
Honey I know, I know, I know times are changing
It’s time we all reach out for something new
That means you to
You say you want a leader
But you can’t seem to make up your mind
I think you better close it
And let me guide you to the Purple Rain
Refrain.
If you know what I’m singing about up here
C’mon raise your hand
Purple Rain Purple Rain
I only want to see you,
only want to see you
In the Purple Rain
Quick Props – Howdy & Smooches to the Nice Folks in NYC
Offliners
My Brother and Sister-in-Law,Sujin & her fantastic Parents,The Amazing Fantastic and utterly fabu Rebecca,Logan, Matt, Howard and The Ultimate Straight Man (Seen too many circumscisions H.L.)
Onliners
Bertie – Jonathan – Brian
Larry – Waisum – Eddie
Rahat – Phil – Choire
Anil – Jason – Huny
Li – Josh – Paul – Joey & Jumi
And yes, I’ll do an update proper at some point… um if I ever sober up.
I know that Ernie and I had a totally insanely rocking time and we have you to thank. Wooot woot.
Discussions on Circumcision:
Part 1:
The scene: At Lucky Cheng’s in sweltering NYC, last night. Overall a dreadfully disappointing dining experience because the food was out of arms reach, the drinks were too weak, and the drag queens are utterly pallid in comparison to the vivacious ladies known as the Galaxy Girls. Not to mention the guidolicious trashy annoyances at the table next to ours.
Jason, fine doctor indeed who carries a copy of “The Straight Man” with him (note,the text is not a guide book on how to be straight) shares a story regarding a friend of his who has had a botched circumcision job. The said friend is considering getting the procedure completed.
Anil: “That’s ridiculous. I mean…for folks to get circumcised…would you get your eyelids cut off? And the whole sanitation thing? Whatever, then go ahead and cut off your lips because you don’t wash those when you brush your teeth.”
MJ: “…”
Jason: “You have thought *far* too much about this.”
Part II.
Jason: “Well you don’t think that the women that he’s been with would be uncomfortable or disgusted by it…”
Anil: “None that I have been with ever complained…”
MJ: ” Yeah… but to be snipped half way? My Gracious… you know they won’t say a damn thing to the guy in person but behind his back you know they’re dishing with their girlfriends ‘ oh my fucking gawd, i mean….really, I’d rather hump his brains out rather than give him a blow job where i have to be eye level with that thing’”.
Part III.
Ultimate Straight Man (Not Jason). “Actually, being involved with the medical field, I used to have to see circumcisions all the time…”
Ernie: “Get outta here!”
Ultimate Straight Man: “I’d average attending about 2 a week at least…”
MJ: “Oh my god. You saw more dick than even Ernie!”
Ernie: “Bitch.”
Addendum.
And because Brian said so, “Cock-Mullet” (copyright pending)
And random factoid of deliciousness. A year and a half ago when I was last in NYC, I saw a taping of Comedy Central’s Premium Blend.
Today it was verified that the band that I saw perform, ultimate deliciousness that they were, was in fact, Brian’s Band “The Conquistadors”.KICKING ASS!
New York is HOT.
How hot is new york?
So hot that … your butt sticks to the toilet seat when you take a piss.
So hot that … when you step outside you feel that the entire city is a steam bath made from dirty water and urine and beer
So hot that … air conditioning makes it extremely challenging to find a reason desperate enough to leave the house t
So hot that … you consider being a bootie call just because your apartment doesn’t have ac.
So hot that … that there is no reason to take a shower because 3 seconds outside has your entire body slickery sheeny with stink & sweat
So hot that… you see a little shnauzer being walked down the street and as his belly grazes the sidewalk you imagine you’re smelling bacon…
Wilting in ny. Happy 4th & God Bless America!
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