June 2002 Archive

Activism

Because when it’s personal, everyone is an activist.

Perhaps I never mentioned it, but I was 8 years old when this happened. Yes, I grew up in the Detroit area. In fact, my cousin at one point dated Vincent. Her brothers were good friends with him and his family. I was young, naive, and sheltered so didn’t understand the significance of the events at the time. I just knew that to look like we did, in Detroit, in the 80s, could be very very dangerous.

Events commemorate 20 th anniversary of Vincent Chin murder
Race-based murder against Vincent Chin in 1982 sparked modern Asian American activist movement

SAN FRANCISCO � (June 5, 2002) � Asian Improv aRts (AIR) leads a coalition of Bay Area Asian American non-profit organizations in sponsoring �Remembering Vincent Chin � 20 Years Later,� which includes a June 20 documentary screening and a June 21 concert to commemorate the 20 th anniversary of the murder of Vincent Chin, the victim of a hate crime perpetrated by two men who never served a day in jail.

The coalition also launched a Web site (http://www.vincentchin.net) to provide information on Chin�s murder, the Bay Area events and links to events in other cities. (Note to Editors: See listing of events held in other cities below.)

On June 19, 1982, former autoworkers Ronald Ebens and Michael Nitz mortally beat Chin, then a 27- year-old Chinese American, out of hatred for the Japanese � who were blamed for the recession in the American auto industry. Ebens and Nitz, who thought Chin was of Japanese ancestry, both pleaded guilty for killing Chin and were sentenced to three years probation and a fine of $3,780

Ebens and Nitz never served a jail sentence for killing a man who was nine days away from his wedding.

Asian Improv aRts, Third Thursdays, Institute for MultiRacial Justice, National Asian American Telecommunications Association (NAATA), Chinatown Community Development Center, Japanese Cultural and Community Center of Northern California (JCCCNC), Clarion Music Center and Jon Jang Performances are sponsoring two events to commemorate Chin�s death and its affect on Asian America.

A free screening of the Academy Award-nominated film �Who Killed Vincent Chin?� by Christine Choy and Renee Tajima will be held on June 20 at 7 p.m. at the Japanese Cultural and Community Center on 1840 Sutter Street. Helen Zia, Mabel Teng, Norman Fong and Victor Hwang will participate in a panel after the screening. Visit http://www.thirdthurdays.org or call (415) 353-5732 to RSVP. Pianist Jon Jang will perform in the �20 th Anniversary Commemorative Concert for Vincent Chin� on June 21 at 8 p.m. at Clarion Music Center on 816 Sacramento Street. Tickets may be purchased for $15 by calling (415) 391-1317.

Asian Improv aRts has launched VincentChin.net to provide detailed information about these and other events held around the country. The Web site also contains an in-depth background on Chin�s murder and its effect on the national Asian American community.

Commemorative events held across the nation

Posted by Min Jung in APA, General

Misc News Commentary Du Jour

The lactose intolerant APA community of the bay area could care less.

I bet my sister is delighted.

A math test that belongs in South Central accidentally gets routed to Winnipeg. These are the results. Story problems were never so much fun.

Posted by Min Jung in General

Looming Doom

Foreboding.

Yes, that’s it. Foreboding. Please don’t call me a Cassandra. I’m really not that much of a pessimist but I have an immense sense of foreboding right now regarding my interactions with folks in the real world in the next few days.

Episode A: Revisiting with a long long long long long long lost crush. Well, he really wasn’t that lost, so much as overseas and lost touch over the last few years. He’s in town. We’re having dinner tomorrow. Foreboding as he’s the one who swept me with perhaps my most romantic moment ever. I’ll be seeing Joe tomorrow. I dread that what was a magical memory from 6 years back will become abruptly shaken from it’s glass case by contemporary realities. A pity. Like the piano man says, I should probably “leave a tender moment alone”. Tender memories too.

Episode B: Meeting with some folks on Friday. I’m not sure what to expect from the other people or from myself. I hope I’ll be well behaved though I have reason to be fairly challenged in that respect. I really hate putting myself in positions where I know I’ll be uncomfortable and I’ll have my patience put to the test.

Episode C: Work being as hectic as it is, I’m not sure I’ll get a chance to do all the things I’m desperately in need of. Like my column on ii stix. Terribly neglected. Shame on me.

Episode D: I haven’t checked my bank balance in over two weeks. A stack of bills awaits my evaluation. Positive Dread.

Episode E: Of course I didn’t finish doing laundry tonight. I have dinner with Joe tomorrow after work and I would like to not look like a lameass. Shit.

So foreboding. Yes. And relative juxtapositioned mindset as well. I try so hard to be a good person, but why is it so much more fucking fun to be *bad*. And damn it all to hell, why do I always feel so guilty afterwards. *sigh* I think I’m getting myself into a whole mess of trouble again.

Posted by Min Jung in General

Thunk

So which would you prefer?
MJ – Tough skinned Diva Bitch who apparently lots of people like to throw rocks at

or
MJ – The girl who can’t stop crying when she looks at old photos of her mom.

I’m feeling juxtaposed today.

Posted by Min Jung in General, Just Me, Today's Thunk

The mosquitoes think I’m sweet. What a lark. But now I find myself the buffet for the bugs. Six bitty bites along my neck & shoulder, three on my left arm, two on my right near the inside of my elbow, one just below my breast bone and above my belly button and four on my left thigh. Brilliant of the ‘quitos to attack my non-obvious erogenous zones with such accuracy.

******
I think today about the irresponsibilities that some folks have with their hearts and with the hearts of others. Maybe that’s why I’ve been closed off for so long. I joke often that I only fall in love once every three years or so. Only a mild exaggeration of the truth, really…but wooo do I crush a lot…. at least I used to. Now even those are relatively far and few between.

Perhaps its because I’ve become a bit jaded, but I don’t think that’s quite right either. I’m quite hopeful actually. I’m just very stern about things like integrity, honesty, and responsibility with the intentions of my own heart and the emotions of others. Sometimes I think I’m too responsible and I don’t allow enough reckless emotion to overwhelm me.

I fear my emotions. They terrify me in that I know how wrapped up by them I can become. When angered, I’m a monsoon of venom. When sad I’m in moody stillness until I can only hug myself to sleep or sit quietly and cry. When elated, I cramp my cheeks from grinning non-stop and I actually skip. Skip. Sometimes I get stuck in a mood, and usually it’s one of the negative ones. It’s barely manageable for me to address my emotions appropriately from day to day. I’m frightened that someone else can affect me as much as that. It terrifies me even more that I would willingly want them to own that control.

Posted by Min Jung in General

I’ve been indulging overmuch in activities and purchase of late. In retrospect, I suppose that it’s been in efforts to distract me from recognizing how totally burnt out I have been feeling. Still strapped for time, personal space, energy, and a moment of peace. I’m trying to pause for a moment to breathe, pray for a few seconds to say thanks, and to not let the ridiculous little bumps of the day steal my sunshine.

Note to self: No one can steal your sunshine if you don’t let them.

I remember a time long ago when I had so much time on my hands, and so much panic in my heart. So long ago? Nyah, actually just last year. I prayed and recognized that I should appreciate the time and space for stillness because they are few and far between within the span of one’s life and that once I got going again, it would be a while until I would have that leisure and luxury. How true how true these things have come to pass.

I have successfully shed the panic in my heart from last year, but the moment of peace, I continue to covet it and steal away to it when I can. No music, no phone calls, just listening to the quiet. Do you know how lovely it is to listen to the night when you sleep in the midst of a forest? The air presses down on the trees and there is only a whisper of wind that shuffles through leaves and the hair of star gazing silly girls like myself. It’s nice to grab a moment of calm to just listen to yourself breathe and to your heart beat. When focusing quietly, I can feel the pulse beating in my neck through the skin, and in, of all places, my thumbs.

I consider my thumbs with special care now. Not only do they have the special honor of being a component in the anthropological definition of that which is human, for me, they press down rather frequently on the space button when I’m typing. Humanity. Space. And the occasional suck for comfort. How sweet the thumb is and how silly and precious it is to be able to really feel my pulse in such a little pair of things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wanted to hear your voice today. Especially your laugh. I think that would have been quite nice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Posted by Min Jung in General

Honesty

Honesty hurts sometimes.

Especially when it comes to self-evaluation. A sweeping generalization of the characteristics that drive my life?

Lazy.
Vain.
Spiritual.
Self Conscious
Neurotic.

And certainly not necessarily in that order and not in equal proportions at all times. Earlier today I was at a party with a few coworkers where the Bacardi/Pepsi concoctions were brewed in proportions of 50/50. Lethal? Not quite. Truth serum, yes indeedy. One co-worker flirted with me shamelessly in playful ways. Another, in so many words after I feigned innocent ignorance in efforts to Heisman a potentially awkward situation, said in so many words that he’d like to put his tongue between my legs.

Charming. Uh, yeah. *cough*

I had to explain to him, in lengthy detail how this went far far counter to my *rules*

To make the understanding of my professional credo (as snookered as I was, I managed to pull this out of my thong) “Dude, I like you, I respect you, we’re cool and everything, but hey, I don’t think it’s appropriate to interact or do anything with a co-worker that I wouldn’t do with my Daddy.”. His response “Wooo, I think everything (pointing at his pelvis) just shut down.”

This statement of course, is only weighty if you don’t work in the Appalachians I suppose, but hell, it worked. And now that I think about it, it’s a pretty reasonable temperature gauge. Replace “co-worker” with “Daddy” or “Mommy” for your appropriate response.

Shake hands with a co-worker?
Hug a co-worker?
Have a beer with co-workers?
Have a kiss on the cheek from your co-worker?
Have them share with you in detail about their last karmic sex tantric experience and how they’d love the opportunity to toss your salad behind a Jack in the Box?

Exactamont, peaches. Exactamont.

Posted by Min Jung in General

Yesterday two police cars were in front of the house next to our block. I feared fire, theft, or Terilyn Joe chucking eggs. I wish it had been so. Alas, two police officers, one woman, one man, were in discussion as to whom would attend to a wounded deer who lay dying, murmurring softly and panting heavily in the yard next to my own.

Today, an errant black cat, thin, who had been trapped under my house for the last few days, came forth and rubbed herself against my legs. She was thin, hungry, and shameless in expressing her need with sweet mews. I ran into the kitchen, pulled out a full can of tuna and poured it out for her. She has a flea collar but no tags. I have named her Simone. In less than an hour the entire tin of tuna had disappeared. Small blue glass bowls that I had originally intended to use for serving mousses or some such confection were scrawled upon in permanent marker with “Simone”. I cannot pet her as I am allergic, but I need to know, very intimately, that she is well fed and ok. Tomorrow I plan to buy some dry catfood to leave out in her blue bowl.

Poetica Spontenaium 6.9.02

I said a prayer to the animal spirit
when I heard the shot ring out at dusk.
A kiss from a woman’s 6mm
Quick. But still unkind.

And as the crimson streams trickled
to the roots of brush
that once fed with the kin with tender shoots
I whispered for mercy, not for you but for me.

Posted by Min Jung in General, Poetica Spontenaium

A welcome kiss to the folks visiting from here.

How very kind of you to visit me. Thanks for posting very non-topical responses in the comments of my blog.

It’s also my right to say, um, I think you have an unheavy amount of hostility towards me where you yourself are making a lot of assumptions of who I am, what my personality is like, and why my humor appears to offend a few of your sensibilities so heartily.

I think it best to say, and of course, that I too, wish you peace. It certainly wasn’t my intention to offend anyone nor to propagate any sense of stereotyping nor hostility.
I would also like to state that I never attacked you personally. You came here. You attacked me. And then you brought troops in to tell me what’s up too. Thanks kindly, but this really wasn’t any sort of the attention that I was expecting. Really, more than anything, I expected my gal pal B. to tell me to shut the fuck up and laugh.
Why? Because I made a joke. Fine, to you it was not a funny joke. Are you satisfied now?
The end. K?

Lessons learned from Gay Men, Breeders, Koreans, Mothers, Albinos, Bloggers, Actress/Waiters, Drag Queens, Bad 80s Sitcoms, Catholics, Writers, Tall White Straight Men, Rap Videos, Pickles, and Border Collies No one particular at all since that’d be just damn wrong and extremely unfunny.

* Shut up when you’re ahead
* You can’t please all the people all the time
* You can’t please any people most of the time
* Some people will find any reason possible to hate you
* Some people need to chill more often
* It’s too easy to make assumptions
* It’s too hard to remember tenderness & forgiveness
* It’s too challenging to play nice with others when Kimchi Temper ™ has been activated
* And you know, stupid is as stupid does

“Hello Pot? This is Kettle Calling…guess what?”

Posted by Min Jung in General

Lessons

Lessons learned from Lesbians Part II Life & Blogging

#1. There are trolls and shitty people everywhere
#2. Anonymity is for cowards who can’t either admit their own fallibilities while feeling totally righteous pointing it out in others
#3. Some people just can’t take a joke. Especially those who don’t know you very well (either online or offline)
#4. A metric is not a sweeping judgement or a determination of a stereotype. Duh. If you score low on uh, say a psychosis or promiscuity meter, then absolutely fucking marvy for you. I have two very good friends who would love to meet you. Apparently you’re like the coelacanth. Presumed extinct.
#5. Note to self, must remember that when publishing snark, you have to sometimes explain things to the lowest common denominator
#6. Yours truly has EDM and EFM (Extreme Freak Magnetism)
#7. Metrics of “defensiveness” and “sense of humor” need to be added.
#8. When exasperated with the stupidity of a situation or individual(s), one can only shake their fist mightily at the skies and shout out “Damn it all to hell”
#9. Must pay the bill for “drama buffer/insurance”
#10. I know who you are, you little shit. Thanks for visiting, but please go away. I really don’t care what your opinion is of me anyways and if you had read me for any length of time, you’d have a much better gauge of who I am and how I try desperately to be far beyond the myopicism that you accuse me of.

Posted by Min Jung in General, Mischief & Events

I love me some BlogWhore and apparently a few love me back.
Rad.

Posted by Min Jung in General

Lessons learned from Lesbians.
Lesbians may be measured on a scale of 1-10 on the following features

* Butchiness to Femminess
* Substance Abuse (Current or recovering)
* Psychotic tendencies
* Abuse of online chat functions
* Emotional extremes
* Issues
* Perpetual PMS
* Cattiness
* Promiscuity
* EMD – Extreme Drama Magnetism (usually with another lesbian with a high score on one of the above metrics)

There are a few exceptions to this rule.

Heaven knows, I love me the lesbians that I know and I find them great, fun, and charming…but based on some stories that they tell me re: their dating life, I am rather greatful to be straight. Straight and rather single begin to look pretty good by comparison to some of the transpirations of the last week or so. Gracious.

Posted by Min Jung in General

It seems these days that I’m doing a lot of things that I didn’t expect to when I woke up that morning.
In fact, these activities weren’t even on the cusp of the brain at all. Random, but cool.
Resiliency is good, right? So is serendipitous fortune.

Erotic Haiku (New to Poetica Spontenaium)

The only thing that
I really want right now is
to lick sweet your pulse

Try not to read too much into that one, folks.
Thanks.

Posted by Min Jung in General

Sleep

I will sleep at a decent hour tonight. I swear.

Maybe.

And since you asked why yes, I do know that the quality of my blog of late has been total suckass. I will return to naval gazing soon enough but right now I’m too busy trying to kick a snoring lesbian out of my bed when she insists on stealing the covers. Actually, to be honest, it is I who is more guilty of such crimes in bedsheet thievery. It’s been like having a slumber party for 6 days straight except for the bikini lingerie pillow fights. No, really. Cheeky ain’t I? Of course, darling. Not much changes, honest.

Other random thoughts dujour:

*grin*.

I’ve recently had some thoughts on social dynamics and the notion of social “leagues”.”Oh sweetie, he’s soooo out of your league.” vs. “Why do they think I’m so intimidating” vs “Yeah… as if, scrub bunker.” I’m very much in a state of inconsistent answers on this one. At one point I recall coaching a friend and telling him that the notion of leagues was bullocks. Total bullocks. Dating structure was not a vertical hierarchy that is cut and dry like grandma’s poundcake. Granted, I still hold by that, but to deny the existence of certain social spheres with levels of hierarchy is equally naive and myopic, no? Perhaps.

Levels or social spheres that are semi-permeable (like cellular walls? I forgot my biology). Levels by ethnicity, by culture, by economics, by looks, profession, lifestyle, education, diction, and aspiration. Levels by interest, skills, fashion consciousness and if you watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer or not. Defining lines regarding political Fascism vs Shopping at the Gap. For some, Gay vs Not Gay Enough vs. Sparkle the Fairy Princess. Or perhaps with some generational/immigrant identity bridges ~ Korean American, but not Korean enough to have confident language proficiency or cultural attachment … yet not American enough to discount the fact that finding someone Korean matters significantly to me.

I remember being terribly intimidated while in love with my first boyfriend. On one hand, I had extreme standards for what I wanted in someone that I wanted to date. On the other, once I found someone who met those superficial standards, I found myself making exceptional accommodations because I felt like he was, in some respect, out of my league and that I should supplicate my reservations for the opportunity of dating him. Which is not to say that we didn’t genuinely care for each other, because we did. Of that I’m confident. I just think that my sense of self worth at the time was cloudy and muddled like jjigheh on the fifth day. He went to a better school than myself. He was a leader and folks looked up to him. He was a far stronger and more mature Christian than I. He was disciplined while I seemed random and capricious.

After we broke up, I tried to rationalize my worth in comparison to him, this time, trying to belittle him to mentally place myself in a league higher or different than his, if only by baby steps. Oh, he’s boring. He has no sense of adventure. He’s corny and has no joy in spontaneity. I’d be gnawing on my pencil for better physical stimulation than what he could give me (ok…that, in fact, was a total lie. The man could throw me off my feet and melt me into a puddle with a single kiss..just a kiss…and because he was such a strong Christian, it rattled my nerves and infuriated me to no end that I could never successfully seduce him beyond a few hours of holding hands & kissing).

I was still in that vertical hierarchy mindset. Terribly junior high school, no? More recently I’ve been thinking in the sense of opaque and translucent colors that represent the potential social dynamics/spheres/”leagues” that I run into. There are the work folks, the club folks, the organization folks, the artsy folks, the church folks, the sporty folks, the online folks, etc. And where do I fit in? Is it necessary to find someone in the same caliber in all those spheres? In any of them? Should I care? I’m not sure anymore. I just think that I am discovering that I am more confused than ever when it comes to such items and I hate the simple answers that I give that bely my attempts for greater social complexity.

If I am interested in someone and my friends ask about them, I’ll provide an answer based on the criterion that I imagine is necessary for them to pass into “their league”. “Oh he’s Christian…” “Oh, he’s hot…”, “Oh he drives this car…” “Oh he does this….” “Oh blah blah blah blah.”

What I want to say is “Oh, you know what? He’s really cool. He treats me well. I like talking to him. He’s tender & kind and I’m never bored or feel like I can’t be myself, even totally cranky, when I’m with him. He makes me laugh, and I have a little ray of sunshine in my heart after I hear from him”. But if I ever honestly answered like that, I’m afraid that half of my friends would follow up with the question “So…is he cute?”. Of course if I’m interested in someone they’re cute. They become cute in my eyes. Charming cute. Geeky cute. Punky cute. Jocky cute. Incorrigible cute.

I think that the character Max from Rushmore is cute. Not for physique certainly, but because of his intense talent for combining his passions with precision and execution. Of course he’s about as emotionally mature as a rutabaga but he comes around in the end and that’s what’s cute about him. I can’t help but think that I’m just as confused and odd as the ladies and gents over at BDB still, and here I am on the peanut gallery. Blind poking and chucking sharp stones at the blind, I tell you.


My funny valentine;
Sweet, comic valentine;
You make me smile with my heart.

Your looks are laughable;
Unphotographable;
Yet, you’re my favorite work of art.

Is your figure – less than Greek?
Is your mouth – a little weak?
When you open it to speak, are you smart?

Don’t change a hair for me;
Not if you care for me;
Stay, little valentine, stay!
Each day is valentine’s day.

Posted by Min Jung in General

MJ’s Brain Soundtrack DuJour
Letters to Cleo – I want you to want me.
Lenny Kravitz – American Woman
Poon Twang – Are You Well Hung, Johnny
Soft Cell – Tainted Love

It’s been an eventful weekend to say the least. Friday involved my car purchase. Saturday running errands amok, visiting with Oliver, eating In & Out Burgers, picking up Vino, enjoying The Phil’s cooking, and ballistic Karaoke moshing. Sunday involved screaming like a little bitch for hours on end at Great America.

So you know, it was like, the usual for me. Busy and a mok. There is drama circulating around me these days. I feel oddly buffered, near enough to it to experience it but insulated so that I’m not as directly affected by it. And yeah, it’s a number of people I care for in my life going through this as we speak.

Been busy, but I’m alive. Been thinking, how I get by. Been wondering, what I’ll eat for breakfast. Been silly, on new car fumes, getting high.

Posted by Min Jung in General