Current!
12/14/01
Current Mood:
Cranky
Listening to:
Duncan Sheik - You Embraceable You
Currently Doing:
Multitasking 3 chat windows while whitening my teeth
Santa Pimping Story Du Jour
Snotty Mom is chatting with her friends as children perform olympic style uneven bar manoevers without her supervision nor with her noticing the *3* signs that request that children don’t play on the Santa set.
“Boys, please don’t climb on the set
“Boys, please don’t climb on the set.
“Gentlemen, this isnt’ a jungle gym, please don’t climb on the set.
“Madam, I’ve already lost three gumdrops from the set structure, could you please make sure your children aren’t climbing on the set? “
“*I’ll* take care of this. I won’t have you yelling at my children like that.”
Why thank you ma’m. How terribly rude of me.
(Child promptly climbs back on set and performs a triple backflip with a 3/4 turn rotation dismount)
Bloody Brilliant. I’ve lost Santa Set gumdrops in addition to my sanity.
In other news.
In chat conversation with Davezilla
Mjkim1974: i thought you were 32 or sumping like that
itsdavezilla: 
Mjkim1974: honest asian!
itsdavezilla: honest asian. wow. you so funny!
Mjkim1974: better than saying honest injun eh? that’s another pure minjungism
itsdavezilla: I just typed honest asian into google and got 192.000 hits
Mjkim1974: get outta here!
itsdavezilla: this is all “honest asian mail order bride”
itsdavezilla: they even have discount brides. for the cost-conscious groom
Mjkim1974: on sale at walmart — going fast for the holidays
itsdavezilla: 50% Off (you don’t get the legs)
Mjkim1974: but asian chicks have hot legs in dem chung sams
Mjkim1974: you get 10% off already for smaller eyes.
itsdavezilla: what about the eyelids though? how do they price that?
itsdavezilla: cause all the japanese girls are into tucking now
itsdavezilla: which i think is preposterous. “I’ve got an idea! Let’s ruin the prettiest ethnic feature we have!” “OK!”
Mjkim1974: don’t get me started
Mjkim1974: my mom wanted me to get that done
itsdavezilla: =-O
Mjkim1974: it’s huge in korea and among my college friends, lots got it done
itsdavezilla: don’t you dare.
Mjkim1974: you get it done in korea where the plastic surgeons have years of experience
itsdavezilla: asian eyes are so sexy!
itsdavezilla: but still… why?
Mjkim1974: seeing what non-elective surgery did to my mom, hell no would i volunteer to go under the knife
Mjkim1974: for what? whatevs. my eyes are fine
itsdavezilla: that’s as weird as Michael Jackson bleaching his skin
itsdavezilla: I know. Whites and blacks envy the shape of Asian eyes. Why would anyone ever want to look like our bug-eyed faces?
itsdavezilla: we look like cartoons
Dude, have you *seen* anime?
Back in 1984 my mother offered to take me back to Korea with her so that I could get surgery done on my eyes. Mind you, she was asking a mousy, insecure, bookish clumsy, weed of a girl if she’d like to get her eyes tucked as a way to improve my esthetics but won’t take her to the mall to buy any neon colored socks so that her daughter could look like Alyssa Milano during her “Who’s The Boss” days.
Plane ticket ~$2000. Surgery $~2000. Socks ~$12 for 4 pair. Go figure.
I declined, telling mom that no freak is coming at my eyes with a scalpel. I’m rather glad. In college I had a friend, Korean gal of course, who’d gone to Korea over summer break to get her eyes done. Her eyes now have assymetrical folds making her look just a little bit like a cute young version of Egg Shen from Big Trouble in Little China. Now *that’s* dead sexy. Um, yeah.
My only issue with my eyes these days are the following:
#1 - how blind I am without my contacts
#2 - getting a better handle on the use of liquid eyeliner
#3 - why most beauty magazines in 2001 STILL don’t have enough appropriate advice on where the *FUCK* i’m supposed to put eyeshadow when I have no “fold” or “crease” to apply “shadow” or “highlight”
At least now, there is a resource for numnuts like myself with out folded, creased, origami eyelids. I perused this book other day over lunch. Some useful tips & tricks, and helpful notions for those of us that don’t look like chick Ranma. Tried my best to ignore the fact that Lisa Ling was in it though and wished they had some pix of Maggie Cheung, Gong Li, the girls from Finkle, or other Asian beauties in it rather than the handful that they did. Healthy number of hapa models in it, though.
Other things that make me feel goigeous these days
~ Custom Face lotion from Reflect.com which I call “MJ’s Diva Juice”
~ Blue Mascara from Sephora.com
~ Accidental good hair days. And considerng how lazy I am with a blowdryer or hair products, it really is accidental.
Now, I suddenly feel like Clara.
MJ
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