12/06/01
Doctor’s Visits and B-rated Porn
I’m healthy, doing alright, but a visit to the doctor is something that everyone needs to do inspite of phobias. Especially an annual gyno visit. I know, too much information. Anyways, Based on the recommendation of a nurse associate of mine, I went to visit a doc with a british accent, a greek name, and a pronounced penchant for the far east. As it was my first visit there, I was a bit overwhelmed by how incredibly orientalized his office was.
Totally crazy feng-shuied out. Bamboo on the receptionist counter. A trickling water fountain thingie in one corner.
Two water color pieces with bright bursts of red. A chinese screen mural depicting village children playing games. And not one, but *two*, *two* kimono’s hanging on various examination room walls. Um. Can we say overkill please?
And how does this give confidence to patients who require the advice of men/women of science? In my imagination, I’m imagining him giving me feng shui advice on how to increase the fortune of my *kitty* (Stop chuckling. I know.. this is just my imagination going into ridiculus overdrive)
Dr. Feng Shui - “You need balance… you see if add an element of something living *here*
and balance it with a mirror *there* and …
Me clenching cervix muscles: “Excuse me, exactly what the *hell* are you putting in there?
My *BLEEP* s not in need of an interior designer, thank you very much.”
Oy veh. Regardless, the rest of the visit went smoothly, harmlessly, and very professionally. I’m sure my imagination just get’s way out of hand sometimes. After coming home, futzing around, and catching up with emails I had to head out again to attend a focus group inquiring about Asian American women’s opinions & knowledge re: breast cancer.
This, I’m sure, is the basic plotline for several b-rated porn flicks. A bunch of asian women sitting around talking about their breasts. Sure, why not? Featuring Asia Carerra as the focus group facilitator and Kobe Tai, Sung Hi Lee, and various other porn actresses as focus group participants.
Kobe Tai “But wait… I don’t know how to do my self exam”
Sung Hi Lee “Oh honey, let me show you”
Kobe Tai “Like how?”
Sung Hi “Ummmm like…this….and this….and…this…and…”
Asia Carerra “You can do this in the shower… and…”
Kobe & Sung HI “Group Shower! Yay!”
If market research were really that exciting, huh? Blah. 2 hours of being in a room with 12 other gals, just trying my best not to throw a pillow over the face of one of the participants who was annoying the bejebus out of me with her condecending tone and attitude. This same woman refuses to hang a breast cancer shower card in her bathroom. “But you live alone.” “Yeah… but I have a boyfriend.” “Um, so you can be naked and grunting ugly in front of this guy but you can’t hang a stupid breast exam showercard in your john. Bejebus, at least lie to me and tell me it just doesn’t match your bathtub tile or something.” Oh, if only I’d actually said that aloud. Another hightlight? While discussing ideas on how to increase awareness for monthly self-screening, education, and etc. for women in their 20s & 30s, one of the girls spoke about the red-cross blood services coming to offices or the flu-shot visits to the office and the like.
Quote of the evening?
“Oh hell no. I’m not going to a boob van.”
Seriously though, there really isn’t enough information about Asian American women and breast cancer.
Worse yet, with the rise of breast cancer in younger women, it’s still something that even *I* am fairly ignorant about. Especially after having spent my adolescence in it’s shadow with my Mom & all. You’d think I’d know better but alas, I’m an ignorant idiot too.
I know it’s already past Breast Cancer Awareness month but here’s the scoop for chicks & dicks
* Monthly breast self-examination beginning by age 20
* Clinical breast examinations at least every 3 years beginning at age 20 and annually after age 40
* Annual screening mammography beginning at age 40
* Women under age 40 with a family history of breast cancer and other concerns about their personal risk should consult a trained medical professional about risk assessment and when to begin screening mammography
Poetica Spontenaum
A scar over your heart
from where I used to suckle
Ashamed of your body
You cracked a knuckle
Across my cheek
When I walked in
The fogged bathroom
After hearing you weep.
Peace out,
MJ
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