11/16/01
*Cough*
Why hello. How have you been? Really? Wow, that’s great. Great. Great. Great. Great. “HEY BOB, WE GOT ANOTHER GLITCH IN POLITE SMALL TALK PROGRAM # 56…LET”S GET IT IN THE SHOP BEFORE IT GOES TOURETTES”
Ok.
Random.
Two guys asked me to “hang out”.
Hmmm… perhaps my mojo’s actig up again without my permission.
Nyahhhhh. Who me?
I AM MOJO JOJO DO NOT CALL ME BUBBLES BECAUSE BUBBLES IS NOT MY NAME BY WHICH YOU SHOULD CALL ME FOR MY NAME WHICH I AM CALLED IS NONE OTHER THAN MOJO JOJO. Remember when I mentioned that my DSL was farting this past week…acting like my ass after a whole bunch of queso? (lactose intolerant, yo.) The technician came by today while I had it up and rolling and downloading some crappy movie that I’d never pay to rent. It was working reasonably decent.
After doing a 3 hour diagnostic, the technician asked me
“How long has your DSL been installed?”
“Hmm almost a year”
“And when did it start acting up?”
“Tuesday.”
“Hmmm…”
“Is that a good hmm or a bad hmmm?”
“Well… I’m looking at the wiring and the way that it’s been hooked up with the *BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH….AND MORE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH* welll… I don’t understand how it’s been working at all. Only in the last hour is it behaving the way it should have been and I don’t know how you had it running before.”
“Huh?”
“Magical DSL.”
“Well…I always knew I was kinda special….Min Jung MOJO!”
*later as the technician gets ready to leave*
I call out “Hey, my phone line’s out”
Tech: “I didn’t touch your phone line, it should be fine.”
Me: “Nuh, uhhhh!”
Tech. “I swear I didn’t touch it”
Me: (Screaming at him like a pouty anime girl) “YOU BROKE MY PHONE! YOU BROKE MY MOJO! FIX IT! FIX IT NOW!”
Tech:
Oh…did I fail to mention I was cooking at the time and holding a genuine Yan Can Cook meat cleaver?
Woops.
Poetica Spontenaum 11/16/01
Party Haiku
I will drink too much
Throwing Ernie’s Birthday Bash
And flirting with boys
Party Prep:
Guests Invited: Check
Room Clenaed: Check
Furniture Secured: Check
Soju Bought Check
Sober Food Prepped Check
Items Still Needed
Ice,
Cups
Beer
Munchies
Bribe money for the cops
Extra buckets for Ernie vomiting.
And In Other News
I STILL NEED SANTAS HELPERS – $9/Hour at Stanford Shopping Center Email me
And I STILL NEED ERNIE ROAST/TRIBUTE/FANSIGNS & other miscellany scandelous goodness. SEND EM!
The roast site is *nearly* ready
It’s coming soon to a browser near you.
XMAS/NEW YEARS ROAD TRIP PLANS
5. Take the CA-13 NORTH ramp towards BERKELEY. 0.2
6. Merge onto CA-13 N. 1.6
7. Take the CA-24 EAST exit towards WALNUT CREEK/CONCORD. 0.5
8. Merge onto CA-24 E. 15.1
9. Take I-680 NORTH RAMP towards CONCORD/SACRAMENTO. 1.1
10. Merge onto I-680 N. 39.4
11. Take the I-80 EAST exit towards SACRAMENTO. 0.8
12. Merge onto I-80 E. 23.7
13. Take I-505 NORTH RAMP towards WINTERS/REDDING. 1.3
14. Merge onto I-505 N. 53.9
15. Take I-5 N. 1333.4
16. I-5 N becomes HIGHWAY 99 N. 31.2
OK. THANK GAWD THOSE DISTANCE MEASUREMENTS ARE IN KILOMETERS, BUT STILL!!!
GAWDDAMN!. BERTIE, RITCHIE GOOD LORD!