10/03/01
I wonder if I’m losing it.
My morale has been low. Yes, so what makes me special compared to the rest of the nation? Hmm I guess not much. Neither does the state of continued unemployment differentiate me in any particular way. The last few days I’ve felt on the brink of tears nearly every day. And I guess not always in a good way. I keep on re-reading emails from people I care about and coming *this close* to cracking. I don’t know these days. I just wish someone would tell me what i should do with my life, to fix it, and I would do it. Unfortunately there isn’t anything quite like a tap in the butt from the almighty to clear my head. I’m confused. There is clutter in my brain and I’m feeling …just… not the way that “Min Jung” is supposed to feel like.
Here’s the thing, when I was in Europe, not a whole lot of people worried about me. They figured I could handle disaster without a problem. That I was a tough, resiliant, silly chick who could bounce back from anything & everything with more chutzpah than you can shake a matzo at. That I could be the one that they could lean on when they were depressed or needed advice, or a laugh.
What happens when I run out of that *juice* for me. This is what happens I guess. I feel…just…out of sorts. Uncomfortable in my own skin.
Easily irritable and scared shitless. These days I haven’t felt like much fun to be around so I feel like burrowing myself under heavy blankets with fuzzy socks and soft pajamas these days.
Gah. And a mile long list of things to do. A note that I needed to write myself this morning.
No One Will Hold Your Hand
You’re on your own, kiddo. A reminder to myself. I stuck it on my computer. Not as a sappy depressed relationship type blah blah, but more as a reminder to myself of what responsibilities I have to understand regarding my life and where I will need to push myself further to get what I want. Once I figure out what the hell I want. Yeah. Once I get that cleared up I’ll be just dandy.
*Sigh*
The bubble baths haven’t even helped too much lately.
Public Service Announcement Du Jour
It’s been a little over 9 years since my mother passed away.
I loved her dearly and always will.
Please support Breast Cancer awareness month.
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