Off!
03/30/01
I really need to get on a more normal sleep schedule.
This past week was all about play.
Sleeping late, eating hungarian cuisine, going to vegas, leaving my room a mess, and barely doing some paper work.
This must end.
I need to really get off my duff and get organized about trying to make this writing thing work.
Like get into a rhythm, a schedule about writing, getting my materials and contacts in order and committing to a writing goal per day. (And oh yeah, I am overdue to study for the GMats arent’ I?)
This in addition to knocking through my reading list.
Plus travel plans.
Potential target cities: Seattle/Vancouver, LA for Brother Wafik’s Ordination,
Detroit, NYC, Philadelphia, Washington DC, London, Switzerland.
Bejebus. I’m going to be 27 in less than a month and I will be lacking in health insurance, a Roth IRA, and any notion of financial security. Plus I lost more than a bit of pocket change in Vegas. Sheesh. *Shrug* No regrets.
When I told my dad on Sunday that I was laid off, he was remarkably calm.
I fully expected him to flip a wig since I remember how tough it ws when he was laid off from the auto industry in the 80s with a full family to support. Me, I just got me to manage and I’m a sweating nervous wreck now.
Well, no not that panicky but more mindful and less carefree than I would typically let on. Amazing to me that my dad had saved up enough to make house payments, bills, and feed a family of four for 8 months on savings during his lay off.
Bejebus, I might make it through 4 months with just worrying about me. I’ll be able to stretch it once I get a temp bartending gig or part time temp job lined up. Regardless, I do know that I’m fairly comfortable about the idea bout being a non-professional for a bit. I need to recuperate my batteries. I’ve been working fairly non-stop for the last 5 years and all of those jobs have been small companies that required a lot of time, work, sweat, and multiple hats. For a bit I’d like to do something that doesn’t demand so much from me without fulfilling me as personally as I hope my writing will.
Here’s the thing though.
I’ve always had the writing idea on the backburner… saying I could maybe do it if i had the time & etc.
Well, now I do. No bullshit excuses anymore.
Here’s what makes me nervous. I have talked the talk casually, in passing, for a while now.
Can I walk the walk?
Dad called twice this week. Slightly antsy, with a vinegar tone of anxiety & concern in his voice.
Both times he insisted that this layoff period is a perfect time to get married.
BEJEBUS DAD?! TO WHO?!
And no Dad, i love you but your selection of candidates is myopically pathetic.
I will not date that closed minded conservative fobby twit that you keep on bringing up to me.
Anyone who within a lunch period conversation after church would reveal his racist closed mindedness, homophobia, and ernest desire to just sit at home with a vat of soju and cable TV is just *not*, and I repeat this, most certainly *not* going to be any sort of individual to whom I’ll be able to spend an evening out with, much less the rest of my life. And yeah, i know he’s Korean and Catholic and comes from a family that you adore (and yeah, I love his mom tons since she used to be such good good friends with mommy) but no. Anyone whom I want to spend anytime with must not onlyl accept me for whom I am, but also understand that those whom I have a great affection for, I will not shunt from my life because of *their* irrational bias. That’s just fucked up, yo.
Sorry no. I respectfully decline.
Someday I’m just going to have to tell Dad how many boys (and girls) out there who’d love to jump my bones instead but I’d fear that he’d call the Sisters of Mercy on me and drag my little ass home to Michigan and set the curfew for me to sunset. (No joke.. he did that after I came home from college on winter break… mind you, Michigan sunsets in the winter are like…oh…3:30PM).
Thanks Dad, but I got too much crap on my plate as it is.
I love you dearly though, Pops, you know that. But your love for me in intent, i appreciate in all earnest affection and cherish it desperately. I cannot obey though, because I know that in this case, you are wrong. I know you worry and want only the best for me, and want me to be secure.
I’d rather free fall from the highest heights, with eyes closed and with what I know as the parachute on my back
(most certainly represented as God in my life) than be tethered in a sweaty dustbowl with an anvil and albatross around my neck.
Peace out & goodnight:
3:03 AM
Min Jung
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