Change
02/17/01
I gotta change something in my life.
I’m unhappy & exhibiting signs of depression.
In spite of prayer, & friends, & consolation,
I am showing signs of really being unhappy.
I’m hankering for courvoisier or cigarettes, and today I slept in until 3:30 pm.
That’s just jacked.
Granted, with it being miserably rainy outside today, I haven’t really wanted to go outside anyways.
I’m mulling over a lot of things.
Mull
Mull
Mull
Min Jung
Hail falling on the skylight a few nights past.
Sugar High - Empire Records Soundtrack
By Coyote Shiver
they all said life’s just a bowl of cherries, but
sometimes it seems like anything but
think again
sometimes reputations outlive their applications
sometimes fires don’t go out
when you’re done playing with them
I feel so funny deep inside
I wanna kiss myself goodbye
sugarhigh..
gotta have it
really need it to get by
sugarhigh..
wanna feel it
can’t conceal it
sugarhigh
I could go out and not even leave the house
a TV set and a bottle of wine, just fine
crashing out on that old pull out couch
watching Saturday night live
I guess that’s why
I feel so funny deep inside
I wanna kiss myself goodbye
sugarhigh
when I think about my life
I wanna kiss myself goodbye
sugarhigh..
sugarhigh
alright, (guitar solo)
I… far and wide
I’ve explored the deepest caverns of my mind
to try and find an explanation why
I get this funny feeling deep inside
when I think about my life
I wanna kiss myself goodbye
sugarhigh..
gotta have it
really need it to get by
sugarhigh..
I wanna feel it
can’t conceal it makes me high
sugarhigh..
need it now I
‘ve got to live until I die
sugarhigh..
can you feel it,
can you feel it
sugarhigh
Comfort in Cooking, Comfort in Eating
Thunderous, rain pouring down, flooding over the roof & walls, house, saturating the earth, and forcing me to breath a sigh of relief. It’s nice not having to go to work today.
So instead, I cooked, I cooked, I cooked.
Jon, & his friend Jeff, housemate Mee also joined moi for dinner.
* Salmon Steaks simply seasoned & broiled to perfection
* Lentil citrus “salad”, bell peppers, mint leaves, lemon & orange zest
* Spinach salad with crisp bacon, fresh avocado & a honey mustard sherry vinaigrette sauce
* Wild rice in butter & walnuts
* Coconut rum flan
* Homemade caramel on fresh apple slices.
I got a sugar buzz going on right now.
Yes dear friends, all from scratch. It felt really good to cook like that and enjoy dinner with friends. A bottle of wine always helps as well.
I love my Food & Wine
* Note to self
Next time, try to find recipes that are all in *one* issue of Food & Wine instead of lugging around 3 copies to the grocery store & flipping back & forth as you’re grocery shopping.
Cuz Cheap is How I Feel - Dar Williams
Actually, these are the song lyrics for that Dar song, but I have the notion to put that up there as a kind of explanation as to how I’ve been feeling of late.
Cheap, stingy, & cross with my words, and not as generous and as exposed or expressive as I may have been in the past.
I’ve got some things that I need to work through and I’m not even sure, myself how to express them.
Mulling of late… sworling thoughts under my tongue like a stone, over, under, knocking the back of my teeth & scraping the roof of my mouth, only to spit out … nothing.
I wonder if my most recent blast can be attributed to PMS. Gah that’d be rather pathetic wouldn’t it?
Pissed off Apostles.
Last night I had a marathon bible study session on St Paul of Tarsus and his letter to the Galatians. Check it out some time. Read the whole book of Galatians. It should take you oh.. about 15 minutes. It’s short, really. 3DD
It’s an amazing example of the classical forms of debate used by the Greek, and as Paul was classically trained as both a Pharisee and as a Roman citizen, privy to tutelage by the greatest teachers of the time, well, it’s rather compelling. It’s impassioned and Paul holds back nothing. Really, he pretty much calls the Galatians a bunch of retarded shmucks & ignorant pagans that should go ahead and castrate themselves, etc etc.
In fact, it’s quite obvious that he’s downright pissed.
Pissed, furious, frustrated, and hopelessly in love with a community in spite of themselves.
Kind of loopy huh.
You only get that pissed I suppose with those that you love.
It’s easy to love those that love you back but so much harder to show kindness to those that make themselves harder to love.
Ninja of Love
Sometimes I wonder if I make myself hard to love.
Easy to like, easy to be with, easy to joke around with, but hard to love. Tremendously guarded and deft with deflections of amorous intentions. I’ve been told by an ex-boyfriend (yes he’s evil) that he considered me highly datable but highly un-marriable. I punched him in the arm for saying that. But it’s been told to me more than once which makes me wonder about that again. The list of boys that I’ve kissed is more than I�d like to admit in public, but the ones that I’ve been in love with, who I allowed to be in love with me, well, those are just a few precious gems that are locked away within a box, within a safe, behind a wall and under lock.
By the way, yes, for a short period of time, I considered my life as a nun. My mother always wanted me to be one, and the idea of being able to wash my hands of the headaches associated with men & etc does sound appealing.
Alas, I’m the first to admit this
I’m just too horny for that kind of lifestyle.
Min Jung
I Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind.
Love is not jealous, boastful, proud or rude.
Love does not demand its own way.
Love is not irritable,
it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.
It is never glad about injustice
but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
It always protects, always trusts,
hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails…..
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